Page 11 of You’re So Vein

I turn to Mina. “And what about if we made funds available for a literary festival, and maybe gave a certain up-and-coming artist the opportunity to create a piece of art for the village green?”

“I’d love that.” Mina pats the head of the raven sitting on the back of her chair, who nods enthusiastically and chomps on a cracker. “And so would Quoth.”

“I think council meetings should be held by candlelight, instead of electricity,” Isis declares. “It’s more environmentally friendly, and supports the local candle making industry.”

“Another good idea, although I’m worried it might appear as a conflict of interest, considering the local candle making industry consists entirely of you—”

“And while you’re at it, can you change the village indecency laws?” Isis bats her eyelashes at me. “Dora and I want to run a skyclad ritual for our women’s group in the village green—”

“No, we don’t,” Dora says firmly.

“—but Augustin said we’d be arrested.”

“I’m not sure I’m able to change the law—”

Arabella rushes through the door in a whirlwind of French silk, interrupting Isis before she could make any other bizarre requests. “I know I said that I wouldn’t be late again, but there was a disaster at Sanctus. Some foolish Thrall stocked the cellar with red wine instead of blood. It’s cocktail hour, and we nearly had a revolt on our hands—” Arabella frowns as she tosses down her copy of AK Mulford’s Dreamslayer. “What’s all this? Why are we doing art projects instead of discussing this week’s book?”

“You’ve been coming to book club for over five years,” Mina points out. “Surely you know by now that we never discuss the book. We’re making posters for Komal’s mayoral campaign.”

“Do you even want to be mayor?” Arabella wrinkles her brow. “It’s all paperwork, potholes and pensioners yelling about hedges. It’s purgatory with stale biscuits. If I’d known running a vampire property development would be so dull, I’d never have stolen it from Gideon. Leave the mayoring to Augustin. He’s good at that sort of thing.”

“And I’m not?” I bristle. Once again, even my friends can’t see through Augustin’s facade.

“I didn’t mean it like that. Only that he seems like the perfect person for the job. And you’re the perfect person for running quirky village festivals and flying people around in turkey-shaped death machines. Although when you become mayor, could you be a doll and remove the garlic festival from the village roster? Some of our residents have complained.”

I can’t remove the garlic festival. It’s Papa’s favourite village event. He wins the culinary competition every year with his garlic parathas.

“You told us that vampires being repelled by garlic is an urban legend,” Dora reminds Arabella.

“It’s cultural appropriation, darling. Garlic is part of our folklore, and here are the villagers waving it about like it means nothing. You don’t want to get your mayoralship off to a bad start with the vampires. They tend to get a little bitey if enraged.”

“I guess not—”

“Arabella, darling, stop torturing the humans. You know it makes their blood too tart.”

Beth frowns at Gideon, who’s now in the doorway behind Arabella. “What’s he doing here? This club is no boys allowed.”

“I’m dropping off my ravishing fiancée before joining Allie and Augustin for a glass of blood up at Black Crag. We have strategising to do.” Gideon leans in close to kiss Arabella goodbye. I feel a little flutter of happiness as I see Arabella melt into his kiss. I love Arabella, but she’s the textbook definition of “black cat” energy, and when she discovered that the man who betrayed her 150 years ago was building a vampire property development outside the village, she became downright insufferable.

Now it turns out that all that energy she expended hating Gideon was actually because she was madly in love with him, and all it took was several ill-advised “grand gestures” and saving her life from her evil sire to make her see it. She’s a lot more smiley and pleasant to be around since she stopped fighting and started fucking her enemy.

Okay, okay, and if I’m being totally honest, the little flutter of happiness has been smushed by Thor’s hammer of jealousy. Because I want what Arabella, Winnie, and Mina have. I want someone who makes me feel all fluttery and gives me multiple orgasms and holds me when I’m afraid my brain is going to leak out of my ears.

I thought that I had my life on track, that I was heading for the great middle-class dream of AWESOME JOB, DELICIOUS HUSBAND, HOME OWNERSHIP and, most importantly, CUTE BABIES. And then it all fell to pieces when my papa got sick.

But it’s fine.

It’s perfect.

I’m back in my favourite village, spending quality time with my nephews while my sister works long hours at her new clinic, plus I’m no longer being shot at while I fly. Papa and I are about to trounce my archrival in the mayoral race, and I agreed to let my parents set me up with any of their friends’ eligible sons within a ten-mile radius who haven’t already been married off. (Slim pickings, but I’m game!)

I’m fixing everything, just like I’ll fix this village.

“You’re strategising? Is this about—” Winnie starts, but Gideon makes a face that cuts her off. Another vampire secret. I wonder if Gideon is helping with Alaric’s Conclave negotiations. Winnie is Alaric’s fiancée, and she’s human, which means that technically Alaric is breaking a million vampire rules by being with her.

Apparently, if a vampire man makes a human woman pregnant, she’ll have an evil demon half-Upyr, half-human baby called a Dhampir. So vampires have outlawed all vampire–human relations. Winnie could solve the issue by agreeing to become a vampire (honestly, if it were me, sign me up for immortality, perfect skin, and dreamless sleep undisturbed by nephews jumping on your coffin), but she’s not ready to become fanged and fabulous, so instead Alaric is trying to change the Upyr laws so they can wed.

I’m unsure how Gideon thinks he can help with Conclave negotiations when he’s literally their number one enemy for building Sanctus Estate without their approval and allowing uncourted vampires to live there. Or why Augustin would be helping them? Are they all friends?