Page 62 of Doubting Hearts

The answer came back almost immediately, as if he’d been waiting for my question.

He kissed me. But I didn’t stop him. I wanted to see what I felt for him. It wasn’t the same.

The same as what? I texted back.

The same as it had been before. The same as kissing you. Kissing you is so much better. R x

Why didn’t you tell me he was coming to stay?

It was a full two minutes before my phone beeped again.

He was never going to stay. His plan, not mine. I didn’t tell you he was coming because I wanted to make sure I was over him before I told you.

Told me what? Now I was curious.

I waited what seemed like ages but had only been five minutes, staring at the screen until my eyes crossed. Then my phone beeped again.

That I love you.

I blinked at those last words on my small screen. Then I peered at them again. Yep, they were still there. I wasn’t hallucinating, and the crazy police weren’t on their way to fetch me. I took a deep breath, staring at the far wall for what seemed like ages as I pondered that unexpected message. I got up and paced around the office, the phone held in my hand like some magic device about to sort out all my problems. My emotions spiraled from happiness that he’d said the words to irritation that he’d made this immense admission by text. My phone bleeped again.

Toby, babe, are you there? R xx

I messaged him back.

I’m here, trying to process. I see you with your ex, his tongue in your mouth and his hand all over your crotch, but you love me? How does that bloody work?

I heard the cackle of the Joker outside the door before the next text even came in.

Toby open the door. I need to talk to you. Face to face. x

I swung open the door to the office to see Rain standing outside, wild-eyed, phone clutched in his hand. His hair was mussed, his face pale, and the look of relief on his face when he saw me was gut-wrenching. We stared at each other.

His voice was husky when he spoke. “Do I need to text you to ask if I can come in, or can we talk like normal people? Can I come in?”

I nodded numbly, and he brushed past me to stand in the center of the room. I closed and locked the office door. There was no need for anyone else to see this scene.

“This is a new kind of courtship,” I muttered. “Texting, then pitching up outside my door. It’s becoming a habit.”

He reached over and pulled me into his arms, laying his forehead against mine in a gesture of pure submission. My primal man-ego instinct was to pull away. But my overwhelming one was how good it felt that this man was holding me in his arms, so I stayed where I was. I was definitely a bloody pushover. I didn’t even think I was all that mad, still seeing those three little words on my phone screen.

I love you.

“I’m sorry, Toby,” he whispered. “I fucked up.”

“Yes, you did.” I wasn’t letting him get off easy.

“I didn’t want to hurt you. Christ, that’s the last thing I’d have ever wanted to do to you. Tommy said he wanted to see me, and I thought—” He swallowed as his hands cupped my face and he stared into my eyes. “—I thought if I could see him again it might put things to rest finally, you know? But I never meant to hurt you like that. God, your face. I felt like such a fucking heel.” His face grew dark. “And you are not just a fuck buddy. Tommy said that just to annoy you. Again, his words, not mine. Never mine. Christ, I wanted to kill him for upsetting you like that.”

I found the balls to move away, and he looked at me worriedly.

“So what happened, then?” I asked tightly. “Tell me about what I saw and why I should trust you again.”

He paced around, running a hand through his already untidy hair, making it stand up like a cockatoo’s head crest. “He came back because he ran out of money.” His voice was harsh. “I think his plan was to convince me to sell the house we still own in Chelsea so he can have his share of the profits. So, he thought he could come back into my life after a year and just take up where left off. Then after he had the money, he probably would have left me again. He always was a manipulative little shit. I might have fallen for that then, but not now.”

I heard the undercurrent of pain in his voice at being used. Rain looked over at me, his blue eyes shadowed.

“He leaned forward and kissed me. I let him, because I wanted to see what I still felt for him. But all I could see when he was kissing me was your face. I wanted those lips on mine to be yours, not his.”