Page 75 of Don’t Be A Stranger

“I already told you I’m not.” I try to keep my voice light, easy. “It’s raining so I’m heading inside like everyone else.”

That logic makes perfect sense. I mean, it’s not why I’m heading inside, but it still makes sense.

River watches me for a moment and I feel too exposed standing there, letting him—but when I go to pull away, River gently pulls me along to the side of the house, away from the front door.

“Is it because Savannah is here? Is that why you’ve been dodging me all day?” River steps closer to me, and this time I let him. “You know you can tell me if you still have feelings for her, right? That was part of the deal.”

Right. The stupid deal that was entirely my fault, so I really have no one to blame other than myself.

It’s not that I meant to avoid River but admitting to one thing will inevitably lead to admitting to another. But maybe it’s time I gather up that courage I had earlier today. I seemed to feel better when I admitted my feelings for River to Bethany. Maybe I need to finally admit them to River himself. It’s time I just lay it all out.

“I didn’t want Savannah to see us,” I finally say, the start to my admission.

“Okay…” River nods. “But why?”

Just tell him. We can’t keep going on like this. I can’t keep going like this. “I want to tell you why Savannah and I broke up.”

“Summer—”

“No, I want to. I should’ve told you why when it happened but I—I was scared of what it meant.” I step closer to him and take a deep breath. I can’t give River time to say anything or talk me out of this. “We broke up because she thought that I was in love with…with you.”

River’s breath hitches and I swear he stops moving for half a second.

“Are you?” River’s question comes out hesitant.

Wait…that can’t be right.

I admit the truth anyway. “Yes, I’m in love with you, River.”

The rain has now picked up. It thumps against the roof and soaks our clothes. Goosebumps form on my skin, but it’s too humid out here for it to be anything other than the fact that River hasn’t answered me yet. I thought this would be good news. I thought that he felt the same way. Why isn’t he saying anything? Why is he putting space between us?

I can’t take the silence. “So…what are we going to do about…that?”

“Nothing.” River doesn’t hesitate to break my heart. “We agreed on this just being for the summer. We can’t be anything more than that.”

“Are you genuinely saying that you don’t feel anything for me?”

I’m not blind. This summer hasn’t just been about sex. There’s no way that it was. Even when it needed to be, wanting more just felt natural.

River runs a hand through his hair, ripping off his sunglasses. The wraparound lights decorating the roof of the house give me enough light to see that his eyes are now red.

His voice cracks. “A relationship isn’t going to work between us. We both know that, Summer.”

I clear my throat, trying desperately to get rid of the lump that’s seemingly suffocating me. “So, that’s just it then? We’re going to go back to pretending that nothing happened? Again?”

“That’s what you wanted.”

“And I’m telling you it’s not what I want anymore, River.” My voice grows louder, like maybe he’ll finally understand what I’m trying to say.

I don’t care if anyone who might still be outside for whatever reason can hear us. Hell, I don’t even care if anyone inside can hear what’s happening.

River can’t bring himself to look at me. Instead, he stares down at his hands. “We made a deal, Summer. We can’t just—I can’t do temporary with you. And you think you want me now but it’s not going to last. You and I are never going to work, Summer. I can’t let you settle. Not for me.”

“No.” I shake my head. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to tell me what I want.”

Settle? How could River possibly think that I’d ever be settling? If anything, he deserves more. But I’m selfish and I don’t want anyone else to have him. I want River all to myself.

“You’re right.” River’s voice shakes and I want to pull him closer, but I have a feeling he’ll pull away, and I don’t know if I can handle it if he did that. “I don’t get to decide what you want but this is what I want. And I think we need some space from each other for a little bit.”