Page 76 of Don’t Be A Stranger

That doesn’t exist between us. It feels wrong in every way possible.

“You can’t be serious?” I croak, wiping away the hair that’s stuck to my cheeks.

River doesn’t even have to say anything for me to know the answer. There’s nothing I can do or say to make this better. To take it all back and accept the version of us we were before all of this.

I wipe away my tears—or the rain. I can’t tell. Thunder roars and cracks nearby but neither of us move. There’s a huge space between us now and this time I can’t reach out to get to River. Everything I’ve been running from flashes in front of my eyes, reminding me that I never really had anything under control, did I?

Lightning brightens part of the night sky. The ground shakes beneath my feet and the blades of grass brush against my ankles, making me remember that this is all real and River doesn’t want to fight for this. For us.

No matter how hard I try, River always seems to slip through my fingers. I can’t ever get a good grip on him. I can’t ever seem to fix this. To fix anything.

“I think you should probably get a ride home with Bethany and Moose.” River finally speaks.

My shoulders square back and I nod, looking right at River. “Yeah, sure. I’ll do that.”

I don’t stick around to let River say anything else, not that I think he would anyway. I walk back into the house, hearing everyone in the living room and kitchen. A few stray people near the entryway see me and Savannah happens to be one of them, but I don’t stop for anyone. I walk right up the stairs and toward the bathroom that Moose showed earlier today.

“Summer?” Savannah calls out to me, her voice following me down the hallway.

I feel her gently grab my wrist, stopping me from walking. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

I turn to look at Savannah. The hallway is dimly lit but I can make out her slightly frizzy, bubblegum pink hair. Her lips press together and her brows furrow.

I hate that she looks worried about me right now. I’ve given her no reason to continue to care about me. She probably should have cursed me out by now, but she hasn’t.

She’s still here. Still in front of me. Still someone I look at and see the fix-it to all my problems.

Savannah doesn’t deserve it. I know she doesn’t but I step closer anyway. Her hands come to rest on my hips and I lean in to kiss her. The urge to use her to get rid of the aching in my chest burns bright. I want to push Savannah against the wall, just to have her moaning and hope the sound will replace any thought of River.

But kissing Savannah wouldn’t be fair to anyone. Especially not her. So, despite our heavy breathing and closeness, I pull away.

Savannah has always deserved so much more than this and now I’m aware of it enough to not let this happen. I know that trying to run away from the problem isn’t going to solve anything. In fact, it’s only made me feel worse.

“Savannah.” My voice cracks. “I’m sorry. We can’t—”

Savannah takes a step back, nodding her head. “No, you’re right.”

She clears her throat and I let my back hit the wall with a thud, sliding down it. I don’t think my legs can keep me up any longer.

“You were right, you know?” I whisper.

Everyone downstairs can still be heard but they’re too busy in their own bubble to bother coming upstairs. Either that or they don’t dare to.

Savannah sits down on the floor too, her back leaning on the opposite wall. Our legs don’t touch but we’re close enough that they could if either of us scooted closer.

“About what?” Savannah asks genuinely.

My breath shakes. “I like River. I’m sorry that I used you to try and get rid of my feelings for him. You didn’t deserve that. I didn’t do it intentionally, but I did and I’m sorry, Savannah.”

She surprises me by nudging my wet leg with her dry one. “I’m sorry too.”

Savannah has absolutely nothing to be sorry for. She’s the saint here. But she keeps talking before I get the chance to tell her this.

“I probably shouldn’t have been staring at you all day. I just…I miss you. I miss being friends. I just miss…having someone to talk to.”

We were friends before dating and…Jesus, what is with me and having a thing for my friends?

Savannah continues. “I’m not saying that what you did didn’t hurt me, but I understand how scary it is to be in love with someone you probably shouldn’t be.” Savannah brings her knees to her chest and picks at a thread on the sleeve of her cover-up. “I have a confession to make.”