Page 40 of I Love You, It’s Ruining My Life

“We have a matinee on Christmas Eve, and then we’re dark Christmas Day, so I guess I could come?” Noah thought out loud, “But are you sure you want to host? Isn’t Nalini still living in your guest room? Not sure she’d want to see me.”

“I don’t think Nalini’s ever been that mad at you, and if you’re worried about having a bed, Cassidy can sleep in my room. Or maybe with Nalini if she convinces her to have a slumber party,” I assured him. “We just haven’t done a ton of family things, and you were the one who said we should try and fix it.”

“I guess when you put it that way, I’m coming,” Noah scoffed, but I could feel a smile behind his words. “I’ll drive over Christmas Eve after curtain. And since we’re on the subject, what’s Cass’ Christmas list?”

“Dice. So many dice sets, preferably in pink or purple. She’s gotten really into Dice & Dragons this year, and apparently she’s become a self-proclaimed dice goblin. I’m not sure what it means, and I’m a little afraid to ask,” I admitted. “A paint set that comes with an easel. Like the big ones, you see movie artists working on. And a feather pen.”

“Sounds easy to find,” Noah laughed, “But a feather pen?”

“She watched something historical at school, and she’s been obsessed with the concept ever since. Also surprisingly easy to find.”

Noah laughed, and while he was Cassidy’s favorite Uncle by default at the moment, I was still glad he was coming. It felt like a good step forward.

“It’ll be good to see you, especially since it’s not a work thing or a press emergency,” Noah admitted. “I’ve missed you. But unfortunately, I need to eat breakfast, I’m going to let you go. See you soon.”

I let him hang up and eat, and I realized for the first time since Jack brought up bringing back the band, Noah and I were able to talk without mentioning RaineFall at all. It was refreshing to just be brothers trying to plan a family holiday. I knew at some point while he was here, I’d probably show off the songs I’d been working on, just to get some extra eyes on them, but it didn’t need to be the focus.

I’d checked to see if Nalini was here before I started making lunch, but for the third day in a row she was out. I kept telling myself it was good she was looking for a new apartment and was trying to get things situated, but it was starting to feel like she was avoiding me.

I knew she had issues with the idea of RaineFall coming back, and as much as I wanted to reassure her, everything I came up with seemed like it’d make things worse. I’d almost finished cooking lunch when I heard the front door slam open and Nalini burst into the house — and my worry about her avoiding me evaporated with the loud entrance.

“Why are all the good apartments anti-reptile?” she demanded as she stormed into the kitchen. “I was fully prepared to sign a lease, and I asked if the pet fee — that I was fully prepared to pay — applied to snakes, and suddenly they were like, never mind! Sylvie isn’t going to trash the apartment like a dog or cat might! She’s a snake! She stays in her tank 95% of the time!”

“Apartment hunting is going that bad?” I grimaced, offering her a bowl of soup.

“Worse,” she grumbled, “Everything nice is out of my price range; everything in my range has creepy vibes I don’t feel safe in. And the few that overlap won’t let me bring Sylvie. It’s starting to look like if I want to find a decent place to live, it’s going to be three towns over, and that’s the exact thing I was trying to avoid.” She sipped her soup, blinking as she tasted it. It seemed to calm her down almost immediately as I realized I’d absent-mindedly made her favorite food. “You made mulligatawny soup?” she asked, savoring it as she continued eating.

“I felt like trying a new recipe today,” I smiled as I took a spoonful of my own, “It’s surprisingly easy to make.”

“You and I have very different definitions of easy to make,” she muttered as she practically devoured the entire bowl.

“Need any help with the apartment search?” I offered, but she shook her head.

“Kam, you’ve done more than enough for me,” Nalini insisted, shaking her head. “At this point I already feel like I’m taking advantage. And I know you’re going to say I’m not, but I need to do this. Even if it’s to prove to myself I can still do something.”

“I get it,” I nodded, “Just know if it does get to be too much, I’m more than willing to help.” She shrugged and immediately got up to start on the dishes. It was quiet as she worked on the chores I’d told her a million times she didn’t have to do. It felt like she was avoiding saying something, and the feeling she’d been avoiding me came back— even though we were in the same room.

“Noah’s coming for Christmas,” I finally said, mostly to break the silence, “And I realized as I was talking to him, I have no idea what’s on your list.”

“Nothing,” Nalini said, shaking her head, “The only reason I got anything growing up was because your Mom insisted. I haven’t really celebrated much since then. And if Noah’s coming, I’ll skip it and find something else to do. There has to be a Denny’s open somewhere I can stay in.”

“You are not banishing yourself to a Denny’s on Christmas, even if you don’t typically celebrate it,” I insisted, forcing her to look at me. “You don’t have to run away because of what happened at Thanksgiving. Even if you’re not doing Christmas, I want you here.”

“That’s the problem,” Nalini whispered, her deep brown eyes glistening like she was about to cry, “The more I’m here, the more I want to stay.” There was something magnetic to her admission, bringing the two of us closer together. Our foreheads touched, and she whispered my name, and I half expected she was going to tell me to stop.

Instead, her lips brushed against mine, the lightest whisper of a touch, before she properly closed the distance and kissed me. Her dishwater-soaked hand grabbed the front of my shirt, pulling me closer as my fingers tangled in her black hair. Kissing Nalini was as easy as breathing, and as the kiss deepened, I wanted the moment to continue forever. I didn’t want to scare her away; I didn’t want her to fear what was happening between us.

“I’m sorry,” Nalini whispered, and I realized it’d happened anyway as she pulled away.

“Nalini, wait,” I said, even though she’d already run from the room. I tried to follow, but was met with the door to the guest room slamming in my face. I rested my head against it, the taste of her still on my lips. “Please don’t run.”

“I’m going to break your heart, Kam,” I heard her say through the door, her words so choked up I knew she was crying. I wanted to wipe the tears away; I wanted to reassure her things would be alright. “Someday you’re going to have to choose between me and music. And if you choose me instead? You’re going to regret giving up on your dreams a second time.”

I groaned, my forehead still against the door.

“I already gave up the band, Nalini,” I argued, “You’re not making me choose anything.”

“Tell that to the fans who took the idea of RaineFall reuniting so seriously you went on the interview circuit. Or all those women who came here for a chance to date you,” she sniffled, “Or Jack, who I ran into the other day and he specifically warned me not to hurt you. And he’s your twin; you should be siding with him. And even tell yourself, because I’ve heard the songs you’re writing, and it’s so obvious you miss it. You can tell me you gave it up, but Kam… I don’t believe you. It’s like playing around with the idea reawakened something in you, and if I have to choose for you, I will.”