Page 39 of I Love You, It’s Ruining My Life

“I thought you were supposed to be at school,” he smirked. Jack looked better than he had at Thanksgiving, but it didn’t stop me from debating throwing my book at him now that he was sober enough to remember it.

“I thought you were supposed to be in rehab,” I shot back, slamming my book shut.

“Still am, thank you very much,” Jack said, pointing to the hospital bracelet he was wearing. I hadn’t expected he'd check in at this hospital; I thought he’d go to one of the fancy facilities that cost a million dollars a day. “They let me have a day pass for good behavior.”

“Sounds fake,” I deadpanned, “What’s the real reason?”

“We’re getting cake pops for someone graduating the program,” he admitted, motioning at a group of people in the corner, “She insisted on coming here and said they were the best ones in town. And I wasn’t completely lying; they let me come because I’ve been participating and my care team thought coming would be good for me.”

“Then why are you here talking to me?” I asked, “Shouldn’t you be with your friend?”

“Because I needed to apologize,” Jack admitted, drumming his fingers on the table. Clearly something was working for him, because Jack had never apologized for anything in his life. “For Thanksgiving, I crossed a lot of lines and…”

“Jack, why’d you write the song?” I asked, interrupting him. I knew he was trying to do the right thing and apologize, but I needed clarity on that more than I needed to rehash what happened at Thanksgiving. Jack paused for a moment, surprised I hadn’t let him finish whatever mental script he was following.

“I wrote it because I wanted to hurt you,” he finally answered, “the way you hurt me. When you broke up with me because you felt guilty about trying to make Kam jealous, I was devastated. I really didn’t see it coming, and I thought we were going to be one of those high school couples who lasted forever. I should’ve realized it; I mean, you spent more time with Kam than you ever did with me, even when we were dating. But you were my first girlfriend, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I wrote the song, and I didn’t actually name it until I instinctively named it at the concert. I stupidly thought when you heard it, you’d want me back. Like you’d be so impressed I wrote a song and named it after you, you’d realize what you were missing. And then it all got out of hand so quickly that…” Jack trailed off, and I couldn’t exactly blame him for it.

“Yeah. That’s one way to put it,” I scoffed, taking a drink of my coffee. “Honestly, there are still times I can’t escape it. It’s a lot better than it used to be, but back then? You pretty much made it so I couldn’t leave Briar Hill. And considering you’re still living off how much you built by wanting to hurt me, I’m not even sure I fully believe your apology.”

“Yeah… it’s hard to regret it when I got everything I wanted,” Jack sighed, and I was actually surprised to hear him admit it. “Probably something I should talk about with my therapist.”

“Yeah, especially when you’re trying to bring RaineFall back,” I said the words quietly, making sure nobody could overhear. “Kam told me. Your songs leaked; your brothers did damage control. Officially you’re not, but I know the truth.”

“The songs leaked? Really?” Jack grimaced, “They were terrible! The only reason I sent them was to piss Kam off enough to make him want to write something better.”

“Yeah. Everyone agrees they suck,” I nodded, “but… Kam’s been writing, though I think it has nothing to do with your songs. So… if you do bring the band back, can you agree I’ve suffered enough and retire it?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s fair,” Jack nodded, “And for what it’s worth, I really am sorry about Thanksgiving. I think seeing you and Kam hanging out brought back all the issues I had from our breakup, and it made me spiral.”

“Sounds like something else you should be talking to your therapist about,” I said, giving him a small understanding smile.

“Trust me, I am,” Jack said, and I was surprised I believed him. Even though Kam was optimistic, I hadn’t actually expected Jack to take the rehab process seriously. But for once, he decided to positively surprise me.

“Good,” I nodded, picking up my book again, figuring it was a sign for him to go back to his group. We may have made progress, but it didn’t mean I wanted to hang out with him.

“Uh… one last thing,” Jack said, and I rolled my eyes and put my book down again. “I saw the way Kam was looking at you. And the way he defended you. I don’t remember much about Thanksgiving, but I remember that. So, don’t play with my brother’s emotions, okay? You weren’t there to see how devastated he was when Julia died, and if he’s moving on and thinking of dating, don’t hurt him. Especially if it’s you. You know how sensitive he is, and I know how cruel you are. Don’t break him when he’s worked this hard to put himself back together.”

As much as I hated Jack’s read on me, I knew it was right. The way I’d handled things in high school was cruel — it was part of why I’d somewhat accepted the song as punishment. But if anything, Jack’s warning confirmed how badly I needed to move out and let whatever tension fizzle out and die.

I didn’t want to be the reason Kam’s heart broke. It didn’t matter how perfect things felt with him, how our kiss replayed over and over in my mind. Kam belonged on stage, and I could see where his songwriting was leading. Jack was right to give me the warning, and I knew if I hurt his brother, he’d find a way to hurt me worse this time around.

I knew I needed to let Kam go. I knew I wasn’t made for the publicity his life would inevitably have again. I just wasn’t sure how to do it without breaking my own heart in the process.

Chapter thirty

Kameron

“Dude, why are you calling me? Do you not realize how early it is?” Noah grumbled into the phone, and I looked at my watch, just to make sure I hadn’t read it wrong.

“It’s 11 AM?” I questioned, only to hear him groan again.

“Yeah, and I went to bed at like three in the morning,” Noah mumbled. “Show schedules are weird, and today’s my day off. I was supposed to sleep for like another hour.”

“I can call back once you’re done being grumpy,” I said, sounding more like I was parenting Cassidy than talking to my brother.

“I’m already up,” Noah sighed as I heard him roll out of bed. “What do you want, Kam?”

“I wanted to know what your schedule was like for Christmas,” I said. “I probably should've asked earlier, but I wanted to see if there’s any chance of you coming for at least part of the week.”