Page 38 of I Love You, It’s Ruining My Life

“Dad! Look! Sylvie likes me!” I heard Cassidy yell across the house, and I shuddered as I walked into the living room to find the snake wrapped around her arm. I should’ve realized the moment Nalini brought her snake into the house, Cassidy would immediately get attached. Which was terrifying. I’d been afraid of snakes for as long as I could remember, and now I was starting to fear I’d have to look into getting one. I wasn’t sure Cassidy would be willing to let Sylvie go unless she had her own, and Nalini did at least make the care look easy. Even though it was quite obvious it wasn't.

“To be fair, Sylvie likes pretty much everyone,” Nalini chuckled from the chair, “If she can climb on you, you’re her current favorite.” Cassidy giggled, and I was glad to see Nalini had cheered up a little. Between her breakdown at the library and her fire in the kitchen today, I was worried she hadn’t had a chance to talk to a therapist yet. She was doing her best, but at this point, I was well aware she needed some outside intervention. I also wasn’t sure if she’d asked her boss for December off, or if she just enjoyed being with her snake. Either way, it was nice to see her actually smiling.

“Dad, do you want to hold her?” Cassidy asked, and my entire body recoiled at the idea.

“Nope, I’m good,” I said, my voice tight. “I don’t really like snakes as much as you and Nalini do.”

“He’s scared of them,” Nalini said, before dramatically whispering to her, “When we were in first grade, they brought a snake to school and it scared him so bad he ran out of the room crying.”

“That thing was giant,” I defended, shuddering at the memory, “and Sylvie is much smaller and therefore less likely to eat me, which makes me only somewhat scared instead of terrified.” I’d actually forgotten about the snake incident until Nalini brought it up again, though Cassidy seemed to love learning about it. And it made me realize how little of my childhood I’d told her about, while Nalini decided it was the perfect time to tell her all the embarrassing stories we shared.

And I surprisingly loved it.

My brothers had told Cassidy some about RaineFall, but she didn’t really have anyone who’d tell her stories from before the band. She never met my parents, and it wasn’t until the move here she even realized what my life was like growing up.

Nalini continued to bring up story after story. The high school musical where I did nothing but embarrass myself. My attempt to play basketball in middle school, that ended with me getting the ball passed straight into my face — breaking my nose. The time we went ice skating at the old skating rink in the park, and I couldn’t stay up for more than 10 seconds. Cassidy had found that one hilarious, because one of the first things Julia had done when we first started dating was teach me how to ice skate. The stories continued, with me telling a few of them about Nalini as payback, until Cassidy started yawning.

“Okay, it’s time for bed,” I said as Nalini took the snake and gently placed it back in the tank, and it slithered into one of its logs. Cassidy groaned, but still went to brush her teeth and put on her pajamas.

“Daddy,” she quietly said, climbing into her bed — waiting for me to tuck her in. I knew it wouldn’t be much longer until she didn’t want me to anymore. We both still clung to this bedtime ritual, and I was going to treasure it for as long as possible. “I’ve decided I like living in Briar Hill. With you AND Nalini. Can Nalini just live here with us?”

“No, she’s going to move out as soon as she finds a new place to live,” I reminded her, giving her a gentle kiss on the forehead.

“But what if she doesn’t?” Cassidy asked, “Or what if she was your girlfriend and then she lived here?” I blinked a few times, wondering if Cassidy had caught on to more of me and Nalini’s tension than I’d expected.

“I thought you didn’t want me to date. That’s what you told me on Thanksgiving,” I said, looking at her with surprise.

“But Nalini’s different!” Cassidy said, only to yawn again, “But only her. She makes us feel like a family, not like Mom did, but different. Good different. And I think she’s got a crush on you because she looks at you with heart eyes all the time. So you should date her.”

“It doesn’t work that way, kiddo,” I chuckled, wondering if I’d somehow missed these heart eyes, or if Cassidy was just seeing how Nalini looked at me when I wasn’t looking. “We’re just friends. And there are a lot of reasons that’s all we’ll ever be.” Cassidy didn’t respond, but the level of judgement at the idea of us being friends almost made me stop in my tracks. She was the spitting image of her mother, practically urging me to go for it.

Julia had told me in her final week she wanted me to be happy, and if I found it with someone else, it was what she wanted for me. She didn’t want me to be held back by her, so if I felt something, to go for it. Between the memory and Cassidy now, it felt like I was given permission, even though the timing was terrible.

“Dad, you should ask her out,” Cassidy confirmed before snuggling under her blankets, and I wished I could see the world as simply as my daughter. I wished the question of RaineFall wasn’t always going to be between Nalini and me, because maybe in another world, it would be simple.

It just wasn’t in this one.

Chapter twenty-nine

Nalini

Ihad all of December off. In fact, my boss already had most of the paperwork done and ready for approval. The problem was, I now had no idea what to do with myself.

I had time to work on my book, because of course Kam had to go buy me a replacement typewriter. And of course I was too greedy to insist he didn’t have to. I could go to Yoga every day, even though I couldn’t actually afford it.

My anxiety meds had been adjusted, and the calm that came from it felt suspicious. I knew it was a sign they were working, but without my thoughts constantly looking for the worst that could happen, I realized I should’ve gotten this done long before the fire. I wasn’t thinking about if my Mom would hate what I was doing — a stupid thing to worry about since I hadn’t talked to her in years. I wasn’t thinking about if anyone recognized me from the RaineFall song, or if I was perfect enough to stay on everyone’s good side so they wouldn’t hurt me like Kam and Jack had. But even with things starting to get better, my idea that I deserved the misfortune concerned my therapist enough she'd switched my appointments from once every two weeks to twice a week.

For the first time in my life, the world had bent over backwards to help me. Everyone I knew mobilized to make sure I had a place to stay, had the time off I needed, and got the professional help necessary to process all of it. But the downside was because I didn’t have to take care of it all myself, I was stuck floating in a world where the only structure anyone gave me was to “relax.” Which I had no idea how to do.

And that meant I had to work on the one thing I had control of: finding a place to live. The insurance payout still hadn’t hit my account, and it looked like it wouldn’t until January, between their investigation and the offices being closed for the holidays. Which meant my main hope was by the time it did, I’d have a new place lined up.

I was getting too comfortable with Kam and Cassidy. I’d caught a glimpse of what life would be like with them during Thanksgiving, but now that I was living it, I was afraid I’d never leave. It felt so right, and at the same time, I wasn’t sure it could be mine. I was afraid it was getting too comfortable for them, and it was better to find a way out now, before the situation broke all our hearts in the long run.

I’d given up on finding a new place in Briar Hill; nothing was available, and building a new complex couldn’t even begin until the winter was over. However, the next town over wasn’t the worst commute to the school; it just had the downside of being bigger, making the apartments much more expensive. The few I’d looked at were either outside my budget or gave off serial-killer vibes. One seemed promising, until I mentioned I had a snake and they immediately said I couldn’t keep her. And losing Sylvie was absolutely out of the question.

Despite my hunt being completely unsuccessful, I decided to end the day on a high note. I found a cute little coffee shop, bought myself my favorite drink, and started reading the book I kept in my purse. Peri had slipped me one of the new releases I’d been begging for before she put it in the system, and it was providing a wonderful escape from the dumpster fire that was currently my life. I was fully enjoying myself when someone sat down across from me. I glanced up only to be met with the only face that'd ruin my day immediately:

Jackson. Raine.