Page 116 of River Wild

I take another step to the door until I’m up close to it. I can hear him breathing on the other side.

“I’m not,” he says quietly.

I don’t know if he means for me to hear him or not. But it’s those words that have me reaching for the door and unlocking it.

I pull the door open a bit and look at him through the crack.

He looks terrible.

I can smell cigar smoke on him. It weakens my resolve a little bit more.

“Hey,” he says softly.

I catch the smell of alcohol on his breath.

And I don’t like it one bit.

“You’ve been drinking.”

“What? Shit. Yes, but I’m not drunk. I had one whiskey. I always have one with my cigar before bed. You know that.”

That’s true. I do know that.

“Okay,” I say. “So, why aren’t you in bed now?”

“Red …” His dark brows draw together. “There was no way I was sleeping tonight. And, by the looks of it, you either.”

I shake my head.

“You should rest though. For Olive’s sake.”

“She’s not sleeping right now, so …” I shrug my shoulders.

“She’s on the move?” he asks, staring down at my bump.

“Yep,” I answer quietly.

He lifts his eyes back to mine. There’s a pleading look to them. “Can I come in? There are things I need to say to you … things I need to tell you, and I don’t want to say them out here. But I will if that’s what you want. If that’s what will make you feel more comfortable.”

I think for a few seconds. Then, I step back. Widening the door, I let him in.

“Thank you,” he says quietly as I close the door behind him.

I walk over to the sofa and lower myself to sit down. He comes and sits down beside me, angling his body toward mine, so I do the same.

There’s a moment of silence where he’s just staring at my face, his eyes roaming like he’s looking for something.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” I ask self-consciously.

“You’re beautiful, Carrie. I’ve never told you that before, and I should have because it’s the truth. I thought it the moment I saw you. And every single time after that, even when I was being an ass to you.”

My lips part in surprise. “Why are you telling me this now?”

“Because you want us to be truthful with each other. And that’s the truth. I think you’re beautiful. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. You’re good and pure and honest. And I wanted to start with that because the rest of the things I have to tell you are not good or pure or honest. They’re dark and black and fucked up.”

“Okay.” I swallow, preparing myself for whatever is about to come out of his mouth.

“Okay,” he echoes, shifting in his seat. “I’m not sure exactly where to start.”