Page 117 of River Wild

“The beginning is usually a good place.”

He lets out a breath and shakes his head. “No. I’ll start at the end and work my way back to the beginning.”

His fingers are flexing in and out in agitation.

“River … you don’t have to do this if it’s too much.”

His eyes come to mine. They’re filled with determination.

“You stood there, in my kitchen, and told me things that I can only imagine were incredibly painful for you to say. You’re brave, Red. And you make me want to be brave, too.” He rubs the back of his neck with his hand. “No one outside of my mama and Gran has cared about me in the way you do. I want to be worthy of that.”

“You are,” I tell him. Reaching out, I take hold of his hand and squeeze it.

He stares down at our hands. “No, I’m not. But I want to be.” He lifts his eyes to mine. The emotion in them is almost overwhelming. “I … I care about you, too, you know.”

I swallow down my feelings that are threatening to turn to tears. Damn pregnancy hormones.

Afraid to speak, I just nod.

He lifts my hand to his mouth and presses the sweetest of kisses to it. Then, he lays my hand back in my lap, letting go.

He takes a deep breath and starts to talk, “At the store earlier, I saw a man who I know is a convicted sex offender.”

I stiffen at his words.

“He went to prison for two years for the molestation of two young boys at the school where he was a teacher.”

The molestation of two young boys.

“I know this because I make it my job to know. I’m part of an organization who bait-trap and expose pedophiles. We also keep track of recently released sex offenders, too. That’s where I … focus my efforts.”

“And by focus your efforts, you mean …”

He glances at me. “I do what’s necessary to make sure they don’t hurt another child.”

I take in a sharp breath. “And to what extent do you go to ensure that?”

“Are you asking if I killed him?”

I pull my lower lip into my mouth, not sure if I want to know the answer to this question. But I nod despite myself.

“The answer is no. But, after I dropped you home, I went to his house. I waited for him. And … I hurt him. I’d warned him. Told him what would come if he was seen in the vicinity of children. He hadn’t listened. So, I followed through. But, if it came to it … between a child being hurt and killing one of those sick fuckers, I wouldn’t hesitate, Carrie.”

I think of the child I’m carrying inside me and know that there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to protect her. But would I go to that extent for other people’s children like he is?

And I honestly don’t know the answer to that question.

“So, you’re a vigilante, who is part of a group working to protect children from pedophiles.” I need to say it out loud, so it’s clear in my head.

“I don’t think of myself as a vigilante. I’m more like … the antitoxin before the disease.”

“But you can’t possibly stop every bad thing that happens,” I say softly.

“No, I can’t. But I can stop more than if I sat back and did nothing. And, if I can save just one kid from enduring the horrors of that kind of abuse, then it’s worth it.”

“Don’t you worry about getting in trouble with the … law?”

He laughs. It’s a hollow sound. I can understand why.