Page 125 of Abundance of Obsession

Is this when I lose him?

Tears well up, blurring my vision, as a heavy ache settles deep in my chest.

Somehow, courage suddenly surges within me, and this time I tilt my head back to look at him.

Staring straight ahead, Eli is breathing hard. His beautiful eyes shine with an inner light, like dew-kissed petals, soon to be joined by my own recently fallen tears. His jaw tightens, and when his eyes lock with mine, a hollow ache resonates from a place words cannot reach.

I’ve just broken his heart.

A sob escapes my throat. I’ve ruined everything. Him, myself, our entire future. Nothing will ever be the same again.

“Please say something,” I beg. “It’s all my fault, I know that. I’ll understand whatever you say. I’ll understand if you don’t want to—”

“Don’t even finish that. It’s not your fault. It’s his. He’s—Jesus. He’s dead. I’m sorry, Zoe. For everything. I don’t have the words right now to express how fucking sorry I am, how much I regret being a self-absorbed idiot. And while I was wallowing in sadness that you didn’t want to be my wife, maybe you’re with me out of pity… you were fighting. And I could have pulled my head out of my ass and prevented this, forced you to stay here. I could have listened in on every one of your meetings, and maybe I would have sensed that something was wrong.”

Why? Why is he taking the blame?

The tears won't stop flowing; everything blurs into a single haze.

“It’s not your fault, Eli. Not even for a second.”

“It’s not yours either. I let you down, Zoe. I didn’t keep you safe, and I’m sorry for that. I know it doesn’t change anything. Oh God, please forgive me. I don’t know what to do. Do you want to go to the police to report it? To the hospital?”

“No, no way. I want to wash his touch off me. When I asked him why he didn’t just kill me, he said this would be a worse punishment. I’d feel disgusted with myself and my body. And he was right. It’s already happened.”

In response, Eli’s arms tighten around me. “Your body is the most beautiful home for your soul. We’ll get through this together. I promise you, sweetheart. Nothing has changed for me, except maybe that I love you even more.”

How is that possible?

“I love you too, Eli,” I confess directly to his heart hidden within his chest. “I thought you wouldn’t want me anymore. These tears—”

“These tears are the first tears I’ve shed since I can remember. Since I was a little boy. We’ll get through this, Zoe. Together. I’ll never leave you. And he’ll pay for this. I swear on my life that he’ll cry just as we have.”

And I believe him.

I close my eyes and we sit there together, nestled against each other. I don’t know for how long, but it doesn’t matter. The man holding me is all I need.

Chapter 31

Eli

Zoe’s scream jolts me awake. In a split second, I sit up in bed and assess the danger that might lurk in the darkness. The instinct to fight and protect what is most precious to me seems like an unconditional reflex.

At first, I don’t know what the hell is going on. In the bedroom, only the shadows of night creep across the walls and ceiling. Nothing disturbing catches my eye.

Then Zoe’s rapid breathing and whimpering reach my ears. My body naturally gravitates toward her side of the mattress.

“No, no…” she mumbles incoherently, the words laced with suffering, fear, and the need to regain control.

Her body lurches first to the right, then to the left, like a puppet hanging on strings. Zoe's hands are clenched tightly into fists. I’m sure I’ll find crescent-shaped nail marks on the inside of them in the morning. Even in the gray of the night, the sweat on her skin is visible.

But that moan… it comes again. And it tears my heart apart.

Dear God, let me take this pain away from her. I beg you, send upon me whatever is tormenting her in her dreams.

I’m not sure if He can hear my thoughts. Hopefully, that will be the case.

And more muffled words…