Page 124 of Abundance of Obsession

“I see you, sweetheart. What’s going on?” he asks again, and it’s that very tone that makes my eyes fill with tears. They fall down my face in a wet trail.

“It was a mistake.” My chin shakes. “If I could, I’d turn back time…”

Eli wipes away more tears with his thumbs. I can see a struggle in his eyes. He doesn’t know what to do with me. And there are two of us with that thought.

At the memory alone…

My legs give out and I collapse to the floor, and Eli with me. He pulls me onto his lap, hugs me, and strokes my hair.

“I’m here,” he whispers as I cry even harder. “I’m here with you, sweetheart. Let it all out. It’s okay. I love you so much. I’m sorry I yelled. My fear for you was immense. And that scared me even more. I don’t know… I don’t know what I would have done… God. You’re my everything. My entire world. Whatever happened, I’m here for you and I always will be. As long as you want me. I’m yours. Shhh…”

His soothing voice is everything, his embrace a source of strength. I love him more than anything. How am I supposed to tell him that the memory of him was what got me through the worst moment of my life?

I thought childhood was the worst. That was another mistake I made. I’ve made so many mistakes…

“I have to tell you something, Eli,” I begin as soon as I can speak. “I’ll understand if you can’t stand to look at me after this.”

“Don’t say that, Raven. Nothing between us is going to change.”

“You don’t know that. I wasn’t completely honest with you. Damien wasn’t a coincidence. I mean, he was at first. When we met at that club, he seemed familiar to me. I didn’t recognize him, but I’d been searching for him.”

I wipe the last tears from my cheeks and take a deep breath.

The nausea is coming back again, like an ocean wave. Right now, it seems like a permanent part of my life.

“I’m confused,” he admits.

“Back when you found the three pictures on my desk, I didn’t tell you there were actually four of them. Damien is his middle name; his first name is Zade. Zade Damien Estrada.”

“Shit. I knew there was something more to it, why you were so determined to keep this going.”

Fixing my gaze on a single point, I recall everything from the beginning.

“His eyes and name seemed familiar. I looked him up. It seemed like Damien Estrada’s story began when he was twenty. Before that, he didn’t exist. But it wouldn’t stop bothering me. One night, a nightmare made me finally understand. He was the man I’d been after.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Eli’s voice is hoarse. There's no doubt a part of him is hurt by my lack of honesty. And rightly so.

“Because you would have stopped me. You wouldn’t have let me stay in his orbit for even a moment. As a child, he was the quietest of us all. The quietest and most dangerous. He observed, he planned… He was damn smart. The others often acted on impulse, but he never did. He rarely came near me, but when he did, his cruelty was the worst. I wanted to find his weak spot, and while I was at it, learn the truth about Aisling.”

“You’re right, I would never have allowed it. And neither would Ryker if he knew the truth.”

I close my eyes because what I have to tell him will change everything. Everything hurts. Every part of my body. But the worst pain I carry is in my soul and heart.

“What happened there today?” he asks after a brief pause.

“He’s the one who sent the cat’s head. He got to the surveillance footage before you and started following that trail. Found my real identity. Knew who I was. Gave me earrings so I’d take off the ones from you guys. Put the puzzle together.”

Eli moves back as far as the lockers behind him allow. “What?”

“Please don’t look at me while I’m saying this. I can’t… I can’t look you in the eyes, Eli.” I feel him gazing at me with concern. My head falls back onto his chest. The rhythm of his heartbeat calms me. “Then he took me to the cabin. I thought he wanted something more this time, and I tried to wriggle free. That’s when he said my real name. He ripped the pendant from my neck before I could react and before I could press the hidden button. Then he ripped my panties off and…”

My breath cuts off. “I fought with everything I had… Believe me, Eli. I fought, but he was stronger. He held my hands and… I fought with everything I had. You have to believe me, Eli. I fought…” I squeeze my eyes shut. “But he wouldn’t let me go. Only the thought of you got me through it. I’m sorry. So sorry.”

Silence falls in the apartment. Only our breaths leave a trace behind.

Eli’s hand stops stroking me, though it doesn’t fall from my shoulder.

No one utters a word. This terrifies me. Everything terrifies me. I'm scared to open my eyes.