Page 20 of A Highlander for the English Widow

“There is something else that I wanted tae say, Amanda. I was talking tae Deirdre this morning and she mentioned that sometimes there are ailments of the soul as well as of the body. For years I hae been carrying around this great guilt with me and it haes stopped me from living. I feel as though I hae nae been allowed tae be happy because Moira and my child never got the chance, as though I hae tae suffer with them. But Deirdre told me that sometimes the only cure is tae try and live.

“Moira was a kind lass, and I cannae imagine that she would want me tae remain in my gloom. And that’s why I… I want tae try. I want tae try and remember what it was like tae be excited again, tae look tae the future with hope, tae feel connected with the people around me. And that’s why I… Oh, hell…” he muttered the word and then found that words were not good enough any longer. He leaned down and plucked a kiss from her lips, finding the brief seconds of courage he needed.

He closed his eyes and lost himself in the sweet kiss. Her lips were soft and tasted light and sweet. A soft moan flowed out of her as she fell into him. Their arms unlinked but then stretched around each other. She stretched taut like a bow and pressed herself against him. He felt her womanly curves and a wave of arousal rippled through him. He lost himself in the scent of her hair and the warmth of her breath and every ounce of her loveliness, which she was overflowing with.

A hand ran up and cupped her neck, tilting her head back even further and making the kiss deeper. Something primal and instinctive had been awoken within him, something that had been lurking under the surface. It was a deep hunger, a craving that Amanda had now inspired and gripped him in a fervor. A tense band wrapped around his mind; he could feel the thrum of his heartbeat pulsing through him as though thunder rumbled in a heavy beat. He knew that he could have kissed her forever in the moment, and he wanted it to last as long as possible. If he were reckless, he would have dragged her by the arm back into the keep, flinging her onto his bed. It had been so long since this tension had devoured him, and now he wanted her—all of her—to howl like a wolf and roar like a lion and love him like a woman.

She gripped him just as fiercely, wrapping her arms around his neck, clinging to his muscles. Their tongues danced as the passion increased, and at that moment, he did not believe anything was going to be able to pull them apart. But then, in the background, he heard the stomping of feet and the chatter of warriors, and the magic was dispelled. He broke apart from her. Amanda’s cheeks were flushed, and her dress was a little unkempt. Her chest heaved, as did his, with heavy breaths. He held her hand and could feel her rapid pulse. He longed to stay with her, but his duty took him away.

“I need tae see these men and tell them about Bram,” he said.

“Then I will see you later,” Amanda said with the hint of a promise.

She was a lady in every sense of the word and maintained her composure, decorum, and dignity, but Logan had gotten a sense of something else, something that spoke to the wildness of the Highlands and the same spirit that existed within his soul. There was a fierce passion residing in Amanda’s heart, a passion that had been tempered and exiled out here in the Highlands, a passion that had been ignored by her husband.

What a fool that man was, Logan thought, for if I haed a woman like Amanda, I never would hae left her alone. It is nay wonder the man died. Someone who turns away such an obvious flurry of passion doesnae deserve tae live.

Amanda left to return to the keep while Logan turned to face his men. He addressed them and told them about the situation, but all the while his mind was on her. With every flick of his tongue, he could taste her on his lips, and he knew that one kiss was not going to be enough. A thousand kisses were not going to be enough. There was still a slight conflict within his heart when he thought about his journey, but it was impossible to resist Amanda when she was right there in front of him. For the first time in a long time, he was actually beginning to believe that it was possible for him to live again, to hope again, to love again…

And it was all because of this Englishwoman who had appeared as if from nowhere to touch his life and his heart.

14

Amanda had spent the better part of the day thinking about the kiss. Her jaw ached as she hadn’t been able to stop smiling at the sensations that Logan had awoken within her. It was as though a storm had passed through her, so vibrant that the maelstrom rippled and swam long after the kiss had ended. Whenever she closed her eyes, she went back to that moment and relived it, sinking back into that well of pleasure and passion that was so intoxicating and left her in a state of delirium. His kiss had been unlike anything she had ever felt before. Of course, she only had her kisses with Hamilton to compare. They were slobbering, horrible things with stale breath and groping hands, nothing like the tenderness with which Logan had kissed her. It was enough to make her remember the feelings she had felt when listening to romance stories in her youth where the woman had always swooned whenever the man took her in his powerful arms. Now she was such a woman and had met such a man, but the feelings were far more intense than they had been when they leaped off the page.

Logan was a man in every manner that Hamilton was not. His kisses were deep caresses that ran down through her body right to the curling tips of her toes. Warm tingles spread in waves of pleasure that surged through her, pulsing one after the other like great waves. There was a knot of tension in her stomach and her head became lighter than air all through the day.

The only shred of doubt was that she was deceiving Logan. He had told her all these personal things about himself, yet she had kept the one thing back that might give him pause. However, if she told him, then she was sure he would pull away and she would lose all these feelings. She told herself that it was fine to maintain the illusion for a while. After all, it wasn’t as though he had asked her to marry him. They were just getting close and sharing a little bit of intimacy. It had been something that had been absent from both of their lives for too long, and there was no harm in indulging in a little bit of physical pleasure. It wasn’t as though she was a maiden. Her virtue had been sacrificed a long time ago to a man who had not cherished it at all. Logan made her feel special in a way that Hamilton never had, and that surely counted for something.

In the evening, Amanda prepared for dinner again. This time she looked through her clothes and picked an elegant gown that was the color of the pale sky. She also wore a silver necklace with a pendant that rested against the hollow of her throat and brushed her hair so that it was lustrous and thick, pulling it around one shoulder. Her heart fluttered when she thought of dinner and sharing another meal with Logan. There would come a time when she would be forced to return to her estate and then she assumed the dream would be over. There was no harm in indulging herself in it for a little while longer, she thought.

Ann had a wry look on her face when she came in and noticed that Amanda was taking a little more care to get ready than usual. Amanda tried to be coy, but there was no hiding things from her maid, and soon enough Ann knew the truth. She simply let out a smug snort and then got on with her day, unwilling to needle Amanda about it.

When it came time to descend the stairs, Amanda made her way to the dining chambers. She had a good sense of direction and so this time she did not need to be shown to the hall. When she arrived, Logan was already sitting there, but none of his other family members were present.

“Is nobody else joining us tonight?” she asked.

Logan smiled. “Last night was a rarity,” he said. “And I thought we might prefer some time alone.”

Amanda smiled. She certainly wasn’t going to argue with that. There were similar cuts of meat offered as the previous night, as well as a hearty stew. There were also stuffed mushrooms and strips of bacon laid over bread, where the bread could soak up the grease. Logan pulled out a chair for her, and she joined him. He poured her some wine and then relaxed. She wondered if he was going to kiss her again or if what happened in the courtyard had been one of those things that would only happen once. It was so wonderful that it almost seemed like a dream, and a part of her was afraid of talking about it with Logan in case he turned around and said that it did not happen. But there was no denying the warmth of her lips or the scorching heat that emanated from his body.

“Did you say everything you needed to say to your men?” she asked.

“Aye. I wanted tae brief them on what’s gaeing tae happen. As soon as we learn about Bram’s location, then I want tae attack. I told them tae prepare sae that when I give the word we can march out and get Bram before he finds somewhere else tae skulk away tae,” Logan said. There was tension in his voice again, as there was whenever he mentioned this man.

“Have you ever been face-to-face with him?”

“If I haed, he would nae be alive taeday. I dinnae know how he does it, but he is always one step ahead of anyone trying tae hunt him. I am nae the only one. Other clans hae tried tae capture him, but he haes evaded us all.”

“Then let’s hope that this time shall be different,” Amanda said, and raised her glass to toast to their success. Logan leaned forward and tapped his glass against hers, then they both sipped their wine.

“How is Lillie?” Amanda asked.

“She seems tae be warming tae Deirdre. I think opening up haes helped her realize that naybody is gaeing tae hurt her. She haes been eating well, although she haes nae left her room yet.”

“Good. What do you think will happen after this is all over?”

“I dinnae know. We will hae tae find a home for her,” Logan said.