Page 122 of Xavier

“I know. And that’s not fair on you. But I don’t know any other way to be right now. I can’t help feeling like I never was, and have never been, good enough.”

“What are you talking about?”

“There’s only so much chasing I can do, Malynda. I waited, searched for you, for twelve long years. All I wanted was to show you how much I loved you. How much I wanted to be with you. I put my life on hold. And then I found you. And I loved you even more than I did before. And my life finally started moving forward. And it still wasn’t enough. But this time, I’m thirty, not eighteen. And maybe I can read signs I couldn’t before. That sometimes the person you love, isn’t the same as the person who is right for you. If I’m making you cry like this, I’m not the person for you, Malynda. And if you felt like you couldn’t tell me what happened, then I’m not the person you should be with.”

“Xavier!”

“I’m sorry. I think this is best.”

“But I love you.”

“You will never love me as much as I loved and love you. Don’t you ever forget that.”

“But Xavier!”

There’s a beeping from the machine on his left and a nurse runs in, pushing me to the side.

“He needs his rest, you should wait outside, miss.”

“No! I need to…”

“Go,” he says, turning his head from me. “It’s better this way.”

I feel a hand circling my wrist and pulling me from the room.

“Come on,” Jade’s voice gently says to me. “I’ll take you home.”

How do I tell her the only home I ever had just left me?

***

Him

It’s quiet in here, just the sound of my own breath and the beeping of a machine telling me I’m still alive. Even if I wish I weren’t.

“Hey,” says the voice at the door.

“Hey back,” I say. What else is there to say?

His voice is low and I can barely hear it through the bandage and the machines. “Jade took her home.”

It takes more strength than I knew I had to just lay still and not rip the tubes from me and run after her. “Okay. Thanks.”

“I can bring her back when you’re ready…”

“No. That won’t be necessary.”

“You sure?”

"Yeah. I think I've said what needed to be said."

“For you or for her?”

“For her.”

“And what about you?”

“Don’t you get it? What’s best for her is what’s best for me.”

“Have you ever considered that what is best for you is best for her?”

He leaves before I can respond. Bastard.