Page 17 of The Art of Drowning

“Is she super old? Is she grooming you?”

He reached out and shoved me playfully. “Shut up. Oh, my God. You’re the worst.”

“You mean best.”

“I mean… she’s trans.”

I blinked once. Then twice. Zeke looked at me and froze. Was he even moving? Was he even breathing?

“That’s cool,” I said, meaning it.

Zeke exhaled. His obvious relief made his shoulders drop, and he slumped forward a little.

“As long as she’s nice and treats you right.”

Zeke’s smile changed then from tentative to blinding and bright. It was like telling me, and me accepting it, had let him feel the full force of his happiness and I got to see that change in him. That shift from awkward, nervous, secretive best friend to this happy, gleeful creature in front of me.

And I wanted that. I wanted that kind of freedom. Zeke’s courage always did inspire me.

“Can I tell you something?”

He let out another laugh. “Oh, my God, please. I’ve been dying to know what’s got you all twisted up, but I didn’t want to be intrusive.”

I opened my mouth. Then closed it again. Maybe Zeke could be brave and look someone in the face, but I wasn’t that courageous. I looked down at my hands, cradling my phone. I swiped the screen and looked at the time, tried to buy myself a few more seconds.

And then the truth came tumbling out. “I’m gay.”

There was no buildup, no stating my case, or making closing arguments. Just a two-word bombshell. For a couple seconds, nothing happened. Neither of us moved or breathed or even blinked.

Then Zeke laughed and launched himself at me. He wrapped his arms around me and drove me backward, tackling me in my own bed. “You dork. I love you.”

He was still laughing as he rolled off of me. “I mean, I sort of secretly wondered.”

“You did?” My voice cracked as fear shot through me. Did everyone wonder about me?

“Lauren practically invited you to come fuck her brains out, and you were just not taking the hints, man.”

“Lauren? Lauren Beaumont? When was this?”

“Only a million times, but most recently at the end of last year when we were all at that stupid party at Kory’s house. She mentioned that her parents were going to be away a lot this summer and that she’d be alone often. She looked at you like she wanted you to take her clothes off right there. And you just blinked and said that you were looking forward to staying home too. And that was it.”

“I don’t even remember this conversation.”

“Because apparently you’re super gay so it probably didn’t register that she was flirting with you.”

“So not only am I gay, I’m gay and kind of stupid.”

Zeke laughed harder and gave me another playful shove. “Only a little stupid.”

“Thanks.”

We went quiet again, but it was a nice silence. The kind of silence that wasn’t oppressive or uncomfortable. The kind where two best friends just existed in the same space. Each of us breathing easier now that our truths were out of the way.

“What’s her name?” I asked.

“Ginny. She’s a year older than us, but she promised not to hold it against me.”

“Tell Ginny I said hi.”