Page 121 of Okay, Cupid

“You know—”

“I know what it means, Cal. I know what I’d be giving up. Trust me, I’ve looked at this from all angles.”

“Well, I guess there’s nothing I can really say, then.”

“You could lie to me.”

He smiles. “I don’t want to, though.”

“Then call me stupid, or ignorant. To give up my entire life for a boy who won’t even remember who I am. To give up everything when I’m not going to know who he is.”

Cal stares down at my melted bingsu, and then back at me. “Have you paid yet?”

“Yeah,” I say. “Before you got here.”

Cal reaches for his wallet, leaving a twenty on the table for his drink because he’s the only person I know who still carries cash around with him. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“Just for a walk.”

The walk actually leads us farther west, and it’s only a few blocks before we reach the seawall and the beach that stretches into the endless ocean. The sky is orange.

“Why’d we come here?” I ask.

“I thought the café was getting a little cramped,” he tells me as he hoists himself up onto the seawall and turns to face the ocean, the wind blowing wildly through his hair.

“Okay.” I join him, our hands touching for the briefest of moments.

“I don’t think you’re stupid, by the way,” he says to me.

“What?”

“For giving everything up for him.”

“What does that mean?”

“Well, I’m not sure how you could possibly misconstrue what I’ve just said, but … I was there. I saw the way you look at him, Jude. I noticed it because I remember thinking, Why won’t Jude look at me that way?”

Ouch.

“You knew? Even then?”

“Not at first. I noticed his looks before I noticed yours.”

“His looks?”

“He looked at you like you held every ounce of his attention. Like you were the moon and the rest of us were just stars.”

“Wow, and I’m the melodramatic one,” I tease. “Stars are plenty bright.”

“But the moon is brighter from where we sit. You know what I love about what we do?”

“What?”

“The fact that we’re never remembered,” he says solemnly.

“That’s exactly what I hate about it.”