Page 39 of I Wish You All the Best

“Can you tell me a little about your relationship with your parents, Ben?”

“What do you want to know?”

“What kind of people are they?”

Oh boy.

“Um … well …” I rub the back of my neck.

“In your own words, not how anyone else sees them.”

“Dad is … difficult.” Especially with Hannah. “Mom isn’t great either. She never says much, not that she has the chance.” It feels weird talking about them like this. Like I’m being disrespectful. It’s not like they don’t deserve it, but I still don’t like the bad taste it leaves in my mouth.

“Can you elaborate a little?”

“How?”

“However you want.”

That seems vague. “They’re just … they’re my parents. I don’t really know what else to say about them.”

“That’s okay.” Dr. Taylor sighs. “I want to ask you about your coming out. We can skip over that for now if you aren’t comfortable, but it’s something I’m very interested in talking about with you.”

“I … okay?”

“You’re fine with that?”

“I guess.”

“What made you want to come out to your parents?”

“I wanted them to know, I didn’t want to hide such a big part of myself from them.”

“This might sound a little harsh, but did you think what happened would be a possibility?”

I did actually.

Before I was out, when I was planning the whole thing, I couldn’t really see it being all happy and carefree like it was in some of the coming-out videos I’d watched. I’d imagined Mom and Dad might be a little reluctant or confused. And I figured it’d take them a while to get used to the pronouns.

For just a second I considered that they might not like who I am. They didn’t necessarily have the greatest opinion of gay people.

“Your parents, have they exhibited any homophobic or transphobic behavior in the past?”

I nod.

Not a lot, but there were comments here and there. Dad used to throw around the F-word, but that’d died down over the last few years. Maybe part of me thought they’d changed.

“So why come out? Why not wait a few years, maybe until you’re in college or out of the house?” Her question isn’t accusatory. Dr. Taylor isn’t telling me it would’ve been smarter to just wait.

Maybe it would’ve been.

Actually, it definitely would’ve been smarter to wait.

“I wanted them to know. I was tired of constantly living this lie in front of them. And I thought …” I trail off, not sure where my words are going.

“I thought maybe it’d help them change or something.” I don’t really know.

“I see.”