Page 40 of I Wish You All the Best

“I should’ve just waited.” I sink back in the couch, not realizing how heated I felt. “Then I wouldn’t be here.”

“Maybe,” Dr. Taylor starts to say. “But don’t you think you deserve to live openly as yourself?”

I don’t say anything. “Do you think what happened was a panic attack?”

Dr. Taylor nods. “Yes. That’s what it sounds like to me.”

“Okay …” I let out a long sigh. “Do you believe me? That it was them?”

“I do, Ben.”

“Why would they show up though? After all that?”

“Well, I don’t want to give them any credit, but maybe they’ve realized their mistake.”

“Seems a little late for that,” I tell her.

Dr. Taylor nods slowly. “That it does.”

Nathan doesn’t beg me to go to lunch with him again for the rest of the week, but I do anyway. Sophie and Meleika are nice, and they sort of act like they’ve known me for years instead of just a few days. But the closer we get to the weekend, the more I worry about tutoring Nathan.

It’s not the actual tutoring that worries me. I think it’s more that it’ll just be the two of us again. It shouldn’t scare me. We’ve been alone before. Or maybe it’s because I don’t know where he wants to do this. He can’t come over to Hannah’s house, and the idea of going over to his, where his parents will probably be, is scary.

I have no idea what I am going to do, so I text the only person who might give me a straightforward answer.

Me: So I need some advice.

Except Mariam must be busy, because I’ve been waiting for their reply for a few hours now. I even go down to the kitchen to grab a bag of Doritos, less because I am actually hungry and more because I just want something to do.

I’m about to give up before the laptop makes the ding!

Mariam: What’s up, buttercup?

Me: it’s a boy.

Mariam: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Me: no, not like that!

Mariam: Okay start from the beginning.

Me: He’s the one who showed me around the school.

Mariam: Nathan? That guy you were telling me about?

Me: Yeah

I feel bad for venting about Nathan behind his back, especially since he’s been nothing but nice to me. But Mariam is always willing to listen to my rants, no matter the subject. One time we spent the entire day arguing back and forth against the need to gender robots in Star Wars.

Mariam: He sounds really nice tbh

Me: Sometimes to a fault

Mariam: So what’s the issue???

Me: I offered to tutor him.

Mariam: And????