Diablos in my arms, just like this.
Our breathing was harsh, and I didn’t know whose frantic heartbeat I felt. His or mine?
I knew what I had to do, yet I was scared. I swear, on all that I love and cherish, I wanted to end this. All this fucking torture. How much longer could I pretend? How much longer did I have to push him away? How much longer did I need to burn in this personal hell with no way out?
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. The words came from deep within every part of me.
Di’s body tensed, and he pulled back. I felt the loss of his warmth almost like a blow.
“What?”
“I’m sorry I acted like an asshole to you for years.”
I’m sorry I pushed you away when all I wanted was to pull you in. I’m sorry for all the pain I inflicted by turning away, making fun of your books, and lingering in the shadows but never being there next to you. I’m sorry for everything, but mostly, I’m sorry I let you go.
I wanted to say all this out loud, but the words were physically stuck in my throat.
He stared at me like I was someone he didn’t know. The saddest part was that was the fucking truth. The truth I created. I could only imagine what was going through his head.
His following words took me by surprise.
“I’m sorry, too.”
“What?”
I didn’t think it was possible, but my heart started pounding faster than before.
“I’m sorry, too, because you weren’t the only one who acted like an asshole. We both did.”
He shrugged like it was no big deal, but it was.
I had acted cold toward all of my brothers, but not the way I did to him. I often made fun of him for reading, but never because they were MM books. It wasn't because he read, either. I just wanted to bother him – to have his attention. Sick, I know. It was my only way of getting a reaction out of him, of making him notice me.Fuck, why didn't I realize he would take it the wrong way?
I often didn’t acknowledge him, and now here he was apologizing to me. Not to mention, it didn’t used to be like this between us. Not in the beginning, at least.
Like a fool, I grasped at the first thing I could think of. “Yeah, but I’m older. I should have done better.”
"For fuck's sake, cut the crap with older, younger." I was stunned. After an extremely awkward silence, he said, "We should go back to the car and get on the road."
“Yeah. Let’s go.”
I expected him to say something more, but he didn’t. Both of us were trying to navigate through the awkwardness of the moment. Once in the car, he pulled out granola bars from his backpack.
“You want one?”
“No, thanks.”
"Yeah, you so want one." A granola bar with coconut and chocolate chips ended up on my thigh. "It's amazing. Almost like an orgasm. You don't want to miss that."
His eyes widened. He turned quickly to the window, trying to hide from me. I didn’t miss the blush on his face, and I couldn’t believe a guy could look cute and hot as sin while blushing. Since he wasn’t watching me, luckily, he couldn’t see the smile that formed on my lips.
We ate in silence and then set off again. We'd stop in the next city tonight and then keep traveling to the village King mentioned. This trip might be a search for some celestial object, but I'd take advantage of our time to show Di that I meant my apology.
I had kept my promise.
I had stayed away from Diablos.
Now, I was done keeping it. The promise ended here.
