“How was it?” he asked as soon as he picked up.
“Fuck.” I let out a loud breath as I sped down the highway. “It was good. Too fucking good. We talked about everything under the sun. I told her about the rehab and some of the crap that went down, and she didn’t even ask once for any salacious details. She seemed genuinely interested in listening. Told me she accepted my apology.”
“That’s great, Jamie,” Nial said, his tone encouraging. “Good for you for turning that around. I’ve gotta admit, after how you described your last meeting, I didn’t think there was much hope for you two.”
“There is no hope, man.” My fingers drummed on the wheel. “I’m not going to see her again. I’m calling so that you can tell me to stop being a fool.”
“Not going to see her again? You said that exact thing the last time you saw her, and here we are.”
“This was a fluke. She wanted to straighten things out between us, and she did. She’s got no other reason to want to see me.”
“Maybe she enjoyed your company.”
“She’s ten years younger than me.”
“So?”
I braked as some idiot in front of me ground to a quick stop. I’d forgotten Nial’s wife was eight years his junior, so clearly, he didn’t mind the age difference.
“It’s just another reason on a very long list for why I need to forget about Ivy Abbott,” I told him.
“But you like her?”
Switching lanes, I exhaled. “Yeah. I really fucking like her.” The entire time we were together, I’d felt…light. For about two hours, I’d been able to imagine what life could be likeafter. After the lawsuit was done, and after Oliver was no longer a part of my life. I’d felt younger. I’d felt free. “Too bad I can’t have her.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“I’m not going to go after her.”
“Why?”
I ran a hand over my chin. There was a connection between us, and selfishly, I wanted to see her again. The fact that we were able to enjoy each other’s company despite all of our history… That counted for something, didn’t it?
A frown tugged at my lips as I pulled up to the house. It counted for nothing because she clearly didn’t feel the same way.
Just like that, a familiar need prickled in the back of my head.
I wouldn’t reach for a drink just because the urge came, but it’s reappearance served as a blunt reminder of my reality. Whatever pull I felt toward Ivy, trying to place myself into her life would be heinously irresponsible, not to mention completely inappropriate. I was too damaged, and she? She deserved someone better than me.
14
IVY
Jack stoodoutside my building when I got out of the Uber after lunch. I was still reeling from the past few hours with Jamie, and I almost walked right past him. He had to call my name to get my attention.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, forcing my thoughts away from the singer.
Jack thumbed the straps of his backpack, dropping his gaze to the ground before coming back up to me. “I wanted to check on you. See if you’re feeling better.”
“I’m fine,” I said, wrapping my arms around myself. “I was fine the last time we spoke.”
His expression hardened. “You didn’t seem fine. You seemed unhinged.”
The thought of my apartment and a long chat with Zoey beckoned me. I didn’t want to have this conversation with Jack. Not now, maybe not ever. Despite how I’d acted with him, I didn’t feel embarrassed about it. I simply wanted to forget it happened.
“I don’t know, it may have been the heat. Really, I’m good,” I said to him in a steady voice.
The line between his brows relaxed. “Okay. I’ll take your word for it. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Do you want to hang out next week?”
