WILL
“Ipromise we can do a more elaborate first date, but I figured that this was better than having a waiter interrupt us while we were talking,” I explain as I slide into the booth across from Porter and hand him his sandwich.
He shrugs. “This is great. I hope you know I don’t need anything fancy or expensive.”
“So it’s probably good I didn’t get you a car as a part of the fake proposal then?” I check. “I’d considered using keys in place of a ring, but I was a little worried you’d think a car was too much and refuse it.”
He stares at me for a second, then raises a brow. “A fucking car? Yes, that would have been too much! I might enjoy calling you Daddy during sex but this is not a sugar baby situation. Why in the world would you even consider getting me a car?”
“Well, I still feel really bad about breaking your bike freshman year, but you’ve already gotten a new one by now. So I thought maybe I could upgrade your ride.”
He gives me his bestwhat the fuckexpression before responding. “Well, I’m glad you followed your instincts there. I would have refused it, yes.”
“Already nailing this whole boyfriend thing,” I tease with a huge smile, excited to officially use the title.
Porter laughs, but then his expression shifts, and he looks away from me as if he were nervous. “So you said there’s more we should talk about?”
I reach across the table for his hand and squeeze it, waiting for him to look at me again before I answer. “Yeah. I want to start off by admitting that I overheard you talking to Josie after dinner with my parents the other day.” He pales, but I hurry to continue before he can respond. “My parents asked why we weren’t dating. I’d actually come out to them weeks ago. I know now I should have told you that, and I realized I couldn’t answer because I did want to be with you. My old go-to response of not wanting to be tied down in a relationship felt like a lie the second I even considered it. I went out to talk to you about it, and I overheard you two.”
“What exactly did you hear?” he asks slowly.
I know this might not be the most fun conversation, but I want us to start off this relationship with honesty. “You mentioned someone named Robbie. That you thought I was using you as an experiment, and only wanted you for sex. That I’d royally fucked up being selfish and wanting all of your attention when we hung out because you thought that meant I didn’t want you to meet my friends, that I was hiding you. That you wanted more with me, and because I was too dumb to see that, you felt like you needed to pull away and maintain distance between us.”
“Oh good, so just literally all of it,” he deadpans.
I squeeze his hand again. “Porter, I am so sorry. Clearly Josie was right, and we need to talk way more. I had also already come out to my friends. As soon as we got back from the lake house I told them about you, that I was into you and wanted to keep hooking up. I also had so much fun with the dares and the whole ‘teach me’ thing, and I was worried that you would rejectthe idea of hooking up again, so I leaned into those excuses more than I should have.”
One corner of his mouth pulls up. “It was really hot though.”
“So hot,” I quickly agree.
Porter bites his lip. “Maybe we can still do that? Dare each other and be playful, but with more honesty about how we’re feeling?”
I breathe a sigh of relief. “That sounds perfect.”
“I can’t believe you came out to so many people and never told me though! Fuck, coming out felt like such a big deal to me.”
“Really? I don’t think we’ve ever talked about that.”
“Did you assume because I live in crop tops and sometimes paint my nails or wear eyeliner that I’ve always been as confident as I am now?” he teases.
I scrunch my nose up and smile apologetically. “Maybe…”
He laughs. “Not at all. I was actually in the closet for most of high school. I guess I wasn’t doing a great job of it though because this popular guy at my school clocked me. He started giving me all this attention. You know how busy I was growing up with my brother and work, I didn’t have a lot of friends, and I immediately fell for him because for once I had someone’s attention on me.”
“Robbie?” I guess.
“Yup. I was convinced that us being a secret was romantic, that we had a real future together,” he explains. “I’d applied to schools before we started hanging out, but we’d both gotten accepted to the same one in Indiana. It would have been more expensive than staying in-state, but I wanted to be with him. When I brought up going to the same school, maybe trying to be roommates and date, he freaked out. He said that he wasn’t gay, he just wanted someone to suck his dick, and I was an easy, desperate option. That we weren’t anything and never would be.”
I see red as he tells me about this Robbie fuck. My chestheaves, but I bite my lip to stop any hateful words from coming out because I want him to continue.
“He said if I ever told anyone about what we’d done, he’d tell them I was lying and that I tried to force him to be gay with me. I was so convinced that the sweet words he’d said in private meant something, ThatI’dmeant something. I naively thought he’d come out and we’d be together, but obviously, the joke was on me. We might not have been dating, but I was heartbroken and it was so much worse because I’d been blindsided by it. That’s why I’ve tried to keep our post-lake house relationship flirty and physical. I didn’t want to give myself any reason to fantasize about more.”
“Holy shit, Porter, that’s horrible. I’m so fucking sorry that happened to you. It sounds like he completely manipulated you.” No wonder he assumed the worst with me. He’s already gone through it before.
“Yeah. I obviously decided to come to school here instead?—”
“I’m so glad you did,” I interrupt, causing him to smile.
