“After I took some time to get over the hurt, I realized that I never wanted to be in that situation again. I didn’t want to hide who I was, and if anyone wanted to be with me, I wanted it to be out loud,” he adds. “When you told me you were straight the first night we really met at Bo’s, I tried to lock on to it. I wasn’t trying to shove your sexuality down your throat by reminding you that you told me you were straight, but after everything that happened with Robbie, I promised myself that I’d never go through that again. If someone told me who they were, I needed to believe them. And despite all my very best efforts, it was impossible to keep my promise to myself around you.”
“I’m so sorry, P. I had no idea you were carrying all of that.” My mom’s words from the phone call come echoing back to me. Damn, she’s good. “I hate that I made things harder for you this semester. I promise you I’m going to be the best boyfriend you’ve ever had.”
“Well, I hope so because you’ll be theonlyboyfriend I’ve ever had,” he teases.
“P, promise me that if I do anything, and I mean anything, that resurfaces old hurt that you’ll tell me?”
“Yeah, I think we both need to work on the honesty thing,” he responds with a smile before raising a brow. “One more dare?”
“What are you thinking?”
“I dare you to be totally honest with me from now on, and I’ll do the same. No more guessing or assuming how the other person is feeling. We’re obviously shit at it.”
My whole face breaks out into a grin as I agree. “Total honesty.” I stand up so I can lean over the table and cup his jaw to guide my mouth to his for a sweet kiss.
When we part he lets out a soft laugh. “I still kind of can’t believe you’re casually kissing me in public when I woke up this morning so convinced I’d never talk to you again. The last few days without seeing you and your casual politeness sucked. I thought you were done with me after that dinner with your parents.”
I shudder. “Fuck, no. I was planning how I was going to prove to you that I was serious about you. I’d wanted to approach you right then and there, but I was worried you’d think I was just saying what you wanted to hear. I’m really glad my plan worked, boyfriend, but I’m sorry it caused you stress in the meantime. I didn’t want to keep having sex without showing you how serious I was about you after finding out how used you felt.”
“Well, thank you. I have no doubt in my mind about everything now.” He smiles as he says it, and my heart feels so damn full at the word.
I think about everything I’ve learned about him today, but I still have questions. I want to know every possible thing there isto know about him. “So tell me more, when did you change how you dressed?”
“Right at the end of senior year. I got really into this beauty influencer’s channel on YouTube. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of Sparkles’ Tutorials, but he’s pretty popular. He does mostly masc makeup looks and sometimes he would talk about his own experiences with getting bullied growing up, and how even though he had to go through a lot, he was much happier living authentically.”
“He sounds cool.”
“He seems like it. It really inspired me, and I wore some of his brand’s eyeliner to graduation. My brother asked if I was gay, and I said yes. Caught my mom a little off guard, but she hugged me and told me she was proud of me. We never really talked about it again.”
“I’m glad your family weren’t dicks about it, but I’m really sorry that you had such a shitty experience with Robbie. I’m not him. I never want to hurt you, and I’m really fucking excited to show you off as my boyfriend.”
Porter smiles tentatively. “God, hearing you say that is actually wild.”
“Well, get used to it,” I assure him. I try not to get my hopes up too high as I continue. “I have my last home game of the season tomorrow, any chance you can come? I can give you something with my name on it to wear, and I can introduce you to everyone. My roommate Nathan is a little quiet and standoffish, but my other roommate Cam has actually been begging to meet you. He also said something about wanting a gay friend so I apologize in advance if he’s offensive. I’m almost positive he means well.” Porter’s nods, amusement shining in his eyes, and him agreeing to come settles a worry I didn’t even realize I still had.
“Well, I guess I need to learn about lacrosse now if myboyfriend is one of the best players.” It’s the first time I’ve heard him say the label, and it makes my heart swell.
Porter is officially my boyfriend.
I’ve never been happier.
41
PORTER
“He was definitely the best player, right?” I ask Josie and Carrie, who I dragged along to this game with me.
“We don’t know the rules any more than you do,” Josie reminds me.
“He seemed to have the ball a lot though!” Carrie adds in a cheery tone. “And he scored multiple times. So I would vote yes. He’s got to be the best one.”
I smile and my phone vibrates in my pocket.
Will
Come to the locker room?
“Uh, Will wants me to find him in the locker room. Not sure if you can come or…” I trail off, and Josie laughs.
