Did he not realize that? Or… is it possible that he actually doesn’t care?
He gives me a small smile, takes a breath, and starts speaking. “Porter, when we first met you accused me of being a walking cliché. And honestly, I kind of was. A student athlete, exercise science major, who only hung out with his teammates, and even though I thought that I was progressive and accepting, you quickly helped me realize that I’d never really thought about anything beyond my own lived experiences.”
My jaw is hanging open now, but I can’t remember how to shut it. I actually can’t remember how to move anything at all. I’m frozen in this seat as I listen to Will.
“Suddenly I found myself wondering about my friends’ lives in ways that I never had, about their goals beyond lacrosse, their families and financial situations. I realized while I had considered myself to be a supportive friend, I didn’t actually know much about the people around me. It was like you opened my eyes and unlocked a better version of me without even trying.” Will is standing right in front of me now, a huge, hopeful smile on his face.
But what the fuck is he hoping for? I still don’t understand why he’s saying any of this. Does he really feel that way? Like spending time with me made him a better version of himself?
“I’ve also never met anyone who works as hard as you, Porter,” he goes on, and my cheeks heat. “You’ve inspired me in so many ways. My future used to seem like such a distant hypothetical. I thought I’d follow the easy path laid out for me as a phys ed teacher, that I’d probably end up with a wife and kids someday, but that it was all stuff I could figure out later. I think the reason I could never imagine a future for myself, though, was because I hadn’t met you yet.”
He pauses, looking right into my eyes, and it’s like we’re the only ones in the room.
His smile softens. “Now when I consider what I’d like to do with my life, whether it’s an hour from now, or next month, oreven ten years down the road, I want you to be by my side, Porter.”
I make a very embarrassing squeaking sound at that, but I’m honestly too stunned to care. Could he really mean that?
“I used to think relationships at our age were pointless, a distraction that would only hold me back from making the most of my time in college and figuring out who I want to be. But I’ve finally realized that what I want to be more than anything, is the man who deserves you, P.”
My heart is racing so quickly I fear it may stop. My throat is too tight to swallow, let alone breathe, and Will starts to blur as he drops down to one knee in front of me, and I fight back tears.
He takes my hand in his. “You challenge me and encourage me. You make me smile and laugh more than I ever have in my life. I love the person I am when I’m around you. You are so genuinely cool and funny, caring and loyal, you’re stubborn and sarcastic, and by far my favorite person. I am so sorry that I ever made you doubt that you’re the very best thing that’s ever happened to me. I want everyone to know that I’m crazy about you. Porter, I love you. I am in love with you. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. Will you be my boyfriend?”
Oh my god.
This can’t be real. But I think it might be.
He said boyfriend. He didn’t ask me to marry him as some gimmick for his speech. He said boyfriend.
And he loves me? He’s in love with me. Said I’m his favorite person.
I’ve never been anyone’s favorite person before.
I use my free hand to wipe tears from my eyes and search his face for any sign of amusement or humor or anything that might hint at this all being a part of some elaborate and cruel joke. But there’s none. Will is smiling, eyes shining with hope, full of warmth, affection, and a little bit of fear. As if he might be nervous that I’ll turn him down.
Still, this feels too good to be true, like a fantasy-come-to-life moment where something I didn’t even dare to dream is suddenly being presented to me. I’d been so convinced that Will saw me as an experiment, something to enjoy behind closed doors, a secret he was ashamed of. I thought he had no interest in dating at all. But he’s announced in front of all these people that I’ve changed his mind about relationships. He’s outed himself, and he’s claiming to want the future I’ve been so desperate to convince myself we could never have.
I have to ask, to hear it plainly from him. “Are you asking for real? Is the speech over?”
Will lets out a nervous laugh, holding my gaze as he nods. Then he turns to Mrs.Fredricks. “In a real proposal of course, I would have asked him to marry me, but in case it wasn’t clear, I’m trying to get him to agree to date me and be my boyfriend for real.”
“Yes, I understood that,” she confirms with an amused grin.
Will turns back to me. “What do you say, P? You know I’ve never been anyone’s boyfriend before, so I can’t promise I’ll be any good at it, but you’ve been really great at teaching me other things, so I think we can figure it out.”
I let out a surprised laugh at him referencing me teaching him about gay sex in front of our whole class. I can’t believe that he just came out in front of them all so casually. He squeezes my hand from his position, still kneeling, and it’s like something clicks inside of my brain. Everything he just said finally sinks in, and I realize I haven’t answered.
“Oh my god! Yes. Sorry I didn’t say that sooner. But yes, Will, I’d love to date you. I?—”
He jumps up from the floor, pulling me with him so that he can crash his mouth into mine. I sink into the feeling of his lips moving against mine as his large hand cups my jaw. His tongue teases the seam of my lips. Someone catcalls, and the whole class is shouting and whooping. I push him off me, eyeswide. I can’t believe he just kissed me in front of the whole class.
Mrs.Fredricks stands. “Well, Will, I’m glad yours was the last speech for the day. Class is dismissed.”
Will and I stare at each other for a moment before we break out into a fit of laughter. People file out of the room around us, some congratulating us, others looking at us like we’re idiots. I don’t care what anyone else thinks though, I’m still so shocked that any of that just happened.
When we finally calm down enough to speak, Will takes my hand again. “Can I take you out somewhere? I’d love to talk more, there were a few things I figured I’d save just for us.”
40
