‘My apologies,’ I said quietly.
‘Not you!’ She looked up at me, sheepish, and I recognised Sadie’s friend Julia. ‘Just – never mind.’
‘I’m sorry I can’t be there today, little brother,’ Elias said. ‘But I do have a surprise, one that I hope you’ll consider a wedding present. I’ve decided to leave academia—’
‘What?!’ Fiona’s dad bellowed.
‘—and move to Hobart.’ On the screen, Elias held up a sheaf of paper. ‘I’ve just accepted a job as an art historian at the Museum of Old and New Art. I start in March.’
‘Oh,fuck off,’ Julia breathed.
‘I’ll give you all the details later,’ Elias said. ‘But I can’t wait to raise a glass in Hobart with you all – to be a proper part of the family again.’
I chanced a glance at Fiona as I moved onto the next guest. Her face was pale as milk.
According to the run sheet, Chess was supposed to give a speech next, but Fiona’s father grabbed the mic. ‘I have a few things to say,’ he announced.
‘Dad—’ Jonah said, half-rising.
‘I was unimpressed when you told me you were getting married, Jonah,’ he said, steamrolling right over him. ‘I thought you were putting your emotions before your intellect; humbling yourself atthe altar of your basest desires. But I have to say, I’ve been pleasantly surprised. Because marriage has made a man out of you.’
He gestured expansively. ‘Look at your life. You’re flourishing professionally – unlike your brother, it seems – despite all the obstacles that have stood in your way. And then there’s the way you’ve supported your sister. Lesser men would have let her lie in the bed she made for herself, but not you. This isn’t something I say very often, because it’s something that has to be earned, not simply given—’
Fiona got to her feet. She leaned down, whispered something to her mother, then slipped out of the room.
‘—but I’m proud of you, son. And if you want to give us some more grandchildren, then…’
Both Jonah and Chess tried to wrestle the microphone away from him, but I wouldn’t have heard the rest of what he was saying anyway. Without signalling to Isamu to cover the bar – without even making a conscious decision to do so, like I was a migratory bird, unable to fight the instinct to fly south – I went after Fiona.
I found her in the darkened library, standing at the window, looking out over the vineyard, shoulders rising and falling as she quietly wept. ‘Fiona?’
‘Go back to the wedding, Satoshi.’ She sniffed, once, twice, her voice catching in her throat. ‘I’ll be okay in a second. I just need to pull myself together.’
I hesitated for a moment, and then crossed the room to her, putting my arms around her. Maybe I could make this all okay – make this awful grey feeling stealing through me go away – if I could just be what she needed. ‘Your dad’s a fucking idiot.’
Her laughter was choked. ‘No, he’s not. He’s an arsehole, but he’s not an idiot.’
‘Yes, he is.’ I held her tighter. ‘You’re the one who pulled your life back together.You, not Jonah.’
She made a noise, somewhere between a sob and a hiccup.
‘I know how much it’s meant to you, to have him here.’ I pressed my lips to her hair. ‘I know he and Sadie have helped you a lot. But you’re the one who’s held it together. Who’s made sure your kids are safe and happy and loved. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met, Fiona.’
‘I need you to stop, Satoshi.’ She sniffed again.
‘I need you to know this. I need you to know how remarkable you are.’
More tears slipped down her face. ‘Please,’ she choked. ‘Stop.’
I cupped her face in one of my hands, brushing her tears away on one side with my thumb while I kissed them away on the other. ‘I’ve never met someone I’m so in awe of.’
There was desperation in my voice, but I didn’t care. I felt like we were standing on the top of a very tall building, so tall we were among the clouds, and if I could just make her see herself the way I did, then maybe she would see me the way I wanted her to, and I could pull us both back from the edge, collapsing backwards into a pile together, limbs and lives intertwined. ‘There’s no one in the whole world I admire more. You’re astonishing, Fiona.’
‘I need you tostop!’
She tore herself away from me. ‘Stop!’ she said, hands holding her own elbows, arms crossed over her torso. ‘Please, please stop.’
‘I’m sorry.’ My knees felt like jelly, and I wanted to fall to them in front of her, to rest my forehead on her feet and beg. ‘What do you need? Just tell me what you need and I’ll do it.’
