‘It’s totally normal, don’t worry.’ Kieran returned to my back, running his hands rhythmically across the top of my left shoulder. ‘Lots of people clench their jaws. We’ll give it some love when we flip you onto your front and see if we can relieve some of that tension.’
Part of me almost didn’t want it to work, but it did. As I sat in the spa’s relaxation room afterwards, wrapped in a fluffy bathrobe, sipping a glass of what I recognised as Bibliophile non-vintage sparkling, the ever-present ache in my jaw and neck and temples had dissipated. Kieran had magic hands.
… if only I could stop imagining him using them on Satoshi.
‘How are we going here?’ Kieran stuck his head around the doorframe, interrupting my self-torture session. ‘Can I offer you a top-up?’ He winked at me conspiratorially, holding up the bottle of sparkling. ‘I don’t do this normally, but a friend of Tosh is a friend of mine.’
The pet name stuck in my teeth. It wasn’t something I’d ever heard anyone call him before –Sato,sometimes, but neverTosh.‘No. Thank you, though.’
He shook his head. ‘Fiona.’
‘What?’ What horrifying tidbit was he going to reveal next?
‘You’re clenching your jaw again! You’re going to undo all our hard work before you even leave the building.’
Kieran pulled up a chair and sat in front of me, knees brushing mine, a position which made it impossible not to notice how devastatingly good-looking he was. ‘Let me show you some exercises. Practise these when your jaw starts to hurt, okay? And I’d love you to come and see me again. We did a relaxation massage for you today, but I think you’d really benefit from some remedial treatment.’
There was no polite way to refuse booking another appointment. ‘You’re making a great call,’ Kieran told me. ‘We can really get into those hips next time. It might hurt, but—’ he flashed me a cheeky grin ‘—who’s more of a warrior than a single mum?’
I managed a faint laugh, trying to calculate how soon I could call to cancel.
He held up the bottle of sparkling again. ‘Sure you don’t want a top-up? Your homework today is to relax, and it might help.’
‘That’s all right. I might – um – run across the road and get one from the source.’
‘Great plan.’ He patted my hand. ‘Give him my love, okay?’
It was an idiom – Iknewit was an idiom – but my brain immediately conjured up a detailed narrative about Kieran confessing his undying love to Satoshi, and what Satoshi would say to me when he broke things off between us. ‘Sure. So you’re… still friends?’
‘Of course. I could never give up my Tosh.’
Oh god.
‘But I did have to set him free.’ Kieran leaned back, folding his hands behind his head, biceps rippling. ‘He’s too soft-hearted, that one. He was still talking marriage and kids when it was clear things had run their course—’
My mind, which had been racing, came screeching to a halt. ‘Kids?’
‘He’d be such a good dad, don’t you think? Can’t you just imagine him with a baby in his arms?’
I nodded weakly.
‘Anyway, I had to let him go,’ Kieran said. ‘We were never going to work out, but he would have flung himself into a brick wall trying to make it work forever if I’d let him.’
It had been a while since I’d hesitated before going into Tsundoku, but I lingered for more than a moment before I pushed open the door. ‘Hi. Hope I’m not – oh my goodness, your hair!’
‘Hello to you too.’ Satoshi was serving some customers, but he took a moment to smile over at me. His glasses frames today were dark burgundy, only a slight contrast from his black – black! – hair. ‘Let me finish making these, and I’ll be right with you.’
Usually, I would watch his hands as he made cocktails – they moved so fast it was like magic – but not this time. ‘What are you thinking?’ he asked, when he finally managed to make his way over to me.
‘You look so different!’
‘I meant about what you wanted to drink.’ He wrinkled his nose at me. ‘But we can start with my hair, if you like.’
‘You look very handsome. But why the change?’
‘Because I kept running out of time to get my roots done. You saw what my regrowth was like.’
I had. He’d fallen fast asleep on my shoulder the last time I’d stayed the night, and I’d spent half an hour peacefully combing my fingers through his hair. It had been intimate in a way that even sex wasn’t, and I hadn’t felt that close or connected to someone since—
