I knew for a fact that Fucking Greg had been through the network’s Diversity and Inclusion training program seven times. It clearly wasn’t enough.
I switched tack. ‘What about the contestants from past seasons? Lily and I have worked with every Romeo and Juliet contestant for the past nine years. They’ll all know who she is the second they see her on TV. If one of them talks to the press, it’ll be obvious she’s a network plant.’
‘Already on it. The lawyers are real good at NDAs now – and we freed up some budget for hush money.’
How the hell had Lily got him to dothat?
‘Greg,’ I said, ‘I think she’s having a nervous—’
‘Another call!’ he announced. ‘I gave you everything else you wanted, O’Connell. You’re giving me this. Do your job.’
‘It’s—’
The line went dead.
‘I’m not having a nervous breakdown,’ Lily said, a note of annoyance entering her voice.
‘What the fuck else am I meant to think?’ I snapped. ‘How would you read this, if you were in my shoes?’
‘I know it’s not exactly orthodox, and it’s a bit of a surprise,’ she said, ‘but I really am here to help you.’
A bit of a fucking surprise?!
There was a roaring sound in my ears. In the last part of my mind capable of any kind of thought, I noted that she hadn’t actually answered the question.
‘I’m looking forward to working with you again, Murray,’ Lily said. ‘I’ve missed you.’
No matter how hard I pushed the base of my thumb into my right eye, it wouldn’t stop twitching.
‘Have you missed me?’ she asked.
With my one good eye, I looked at her. She was still wearing the same impenetrable expression.
‘What kind of a question is that?’ I said.
She didn’t say anything. She just raised one of her eyebrows slightly, the way she always did when she was riding a silence with a contestant, waiting for them to crack and tell her their secrets.
I didn’t say anything either. She might be able to produce Fucking Greg like he was a contestant, but she wasn’t going to do it to me.
‘Shall we get started?’ she said. ‘I know you have a schedule to keep, and you’re going to need this interview for my intro package.’
I didn’t move.
‘Fine. I’ll interview myself.’
She shifted her voice into a lower register, mimicking me. ‘Why did you come onMarry Me, Juliet,Lily Fireball?’
Then she shifted into another voice – one that had the pitch and the cadence of her own voice, but a different toneentirely. ‘I’m Lily Fireball, and I came onMarry Me, Julietfor one important reason,’ she purred, looking at me rather than the camera, the perfect interview eyeline. ‘I came here to get my man.’
2LilyThirteen years ago
I almost laughed when I spotted him. Of all the conference rooms in all the world, what were the odds the boy from the bar would be in this one?
I’d noticed his hair first. Both times, last night and this morning. It was spectacular: thick and dark, wavy in a way that suggested it would be curly if he cut it shorter.
Last night his hair had been spectacular, anyway. This morning, it looked like he’d rolled right off the bar floor and into theDesert Island Castawaycrew briefing.
It didn’t matter. I still had the strongest urge to tangle my fingers in it – and tug.
