“I prayed for a creature with keen eyesight,” Edan confided. “Mine was getting poor from reading so much by moonlight. Soldiers didn’t have much use for candles.”
“So, a hawk?”
“Early on, when I discovered my talent for magic, one landed on my head.”
“On your head?” For a precious second, I forgot my troubles and chuckled.
Edan smiled. “I tried to shoo it away, but it followed me the rest of the week, screeching so loudly the other boys in my troop threw pebbles at it. I couldn’t understand what it was saying to me then, but I’ve always thought it could understand me. I never saw it again, yet I never forgot it. I wasn’t surprised when a hawk was what was chosen for me.”
I had no inkling of what would be chosen for me. No such creatures had come to me; in fact, all feared me at this point. But I did not say this to Edan.
I traced the lines on his palms. “These last few weeks have been hard for me. Not knowing whether you were safe, not knowing whether my country would go to war, not knowing whether I’d wake up the next morning as Maia, or as someone else.” I swallowed, wrapping Edan’s arms tighter around my shoulders. “But I know now I’m strong. Because I have someone to be strong for—Baba, Keton.”
“And me?”
“Especially you.”
My fingers crept up his chest to his neck, twirling a loose curl. But as soon as I wound it around my nail, I let go and stared at our hands, his on top of mine, the curve of his palm fitting perfectly over the back of my hand. His long fingers covering my sharp black claws.
“I want you to promise me something,” I said, trying to keep my voice as even as I could. “I’ve gotten better since finding you again and seeing my family. But it will not last. I can feel myself slipping a little more each day. If I should…become dangerous, you must stop me.”
“Maia…”
“When I do finally become a demon, Edan.” A lump hardened in my throat, making it painful to speak. “I want you to take the amulet. Take it away to the far corner of the earth and trap it in all the magic you can. Do what you have to do—bury it, throw it to the bottom of the ocean—just make sure I never find it again.”
“What good would that do?” Edan said gently. “You would spend all your hours searching for it. You are bound to the dresses inside—”
“One dress. I only have one dress left.” My throat felt raw, but I pressed on. “Please, Edan. I don’t want the demon me to have it…for her to abuse its power.”
For her to hurt anyone more than she already has.
“Demon magic cannot be contained that way, Maia.” Edan’s voice was grave. “Not even for you.”
Deep down, I had already known that. But I had hoped all the same. “Then end me. Promise me you will.”
I shook my head, preempting any protest.
He gave a numb nod. “If it comes to that, I will.”
Without another word, he left the tent. It took all my restraint not to follow him. I waited, sure he’d be back soon.
He did not come back.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Lady Sarnai saw my shadow outside her tent before I had a chance to announce myself.
“Don’t loiter, Tamarin. Come in.”
She was bundled in thick layers of fox fur, and she narrowed her eyes at how little clothing I wore. The wind seeped through my thin muslin sleeves, but I wasn’t cold.
Her tent was spartan, furnished with a cream-colored candle, a worn burgundy blanket, and two bronze pots—one for water, one for fire. Her bow lay on her bed, beside a quiver of freshly chiseled arrows.
“What is it?” Her tone was curt.
“I’ve come to ask a favor of you.” The words came out hoarse.
Lady Sarnai set down her sword, which she’d just begun sharpening. “You are in no position to ask favors.”
