Page 129 of In Love and Revenge

‘Again,’ I whisper, stroking my thumb back and forth over his chest, tracing the line that he’s never permitted me to touch before.

We breathe together until his heart rate slows, and his body relaxes.

‘You’re okay,’ I soothe, stroking his wet hair back from his face. I keep the backs of my fingers resting on his cheekbone and gaze into his eyes. They’re glassy and wet, but he’s not crying any more.

‘I thought you were going to fall,’ he says, his voice hoarse.

‘I’m fine.’ I smile softly.

He stares at me like he’s still processing what just happened.

‘I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to you.’

The emotion in his voice has tears springing up in my eyes, and I nod, because I don’t know what to say.

My eyes drop to his scar, and I open my mouth, wanting to ask, but knowing that he probably won’t tell me.

‘I feel the same way,’ I say quietly.

He takes my hand in his and lifts it to his mouth, pressing a kiss to the centre of my palm.

Then he places it over his scar, right above his heart.

‘I had heart surgery,’ he breathes.

I nod, tears welling in my eyes as his barriers fall down like a tower of cards. I didn’t know what I was expecting to hear. But nothing could have prepared me for the anguish on his face.

‘I was nine years old, and I fell from the balcony at my parents’ house. A planter broke my fall, but it smashed, and a piece embedded itself in my chest. I needed open heart surgery to repair the damage.’

‘Rafael,’ I whisper, my vision blurring.

‘My heart stopped twice on the operating table, but they managed to bring me back.’

‘Oh my God.’ I look at the pillar we’re leaning against. ‘And that’s why—’

‘Why I’m a goddamn coward who’s scared of heights? Yes. You know, every time I go to my parents’ house, I walk around to look at that damn balcony before I knock on the door. It’s a ritual I perform. For no other reason than to remind myself of who I am. And who I’m not.’

I sob at the way he winces. ‘I can tell you who you’re not. A coward. Don’t ever say that.’ I cup his cheek with my spare hand. ‘Listen to me, that’s a trauma. It’s a horrible, awful thing that happened to you. Of course you’re going to be affected by it. But you’re not a coward! How can you say that?’

‘It’s what my father says. The day it happened he told me I needed to grow up, that I was becoming a man and needed to act like one. And could start by doing some “man’s work” around the house. So I thought I’d show him how grown up I was by stripping the ivy that was growing on their balcony. My mother wanted to remove it all and repaint it. I climbed the rail, and I lost my balance and fell.’

My heart breaks for him. He’s never looked lost before. He’s always so confident, so in control. But looking at him now, I can see all the years of pain this has brought him.

‘You’re not a coward,’ I whisper. ‘You’re incredible.’

‘I swore the day I heard my mother crying over me that I’d never cause anyone to cry like that. I couldn’t handle hearing it again.’

The utter despair on his face makes my heart twist painfully. ‘But I don’t understand why you’d buy a house with a balcony if you hate them so much.’

‘I bought this house after I took over from my father as CEO for Fairfax Guardian. It doesn’t serve me to forget, Aurora.’

‘Why would you do that to yourself?’

He licks his lips, like he’s contemplating how much to tell me. Inside my head, I’m pleading with him to tell me everything. To be honest with me. To let me in. But I can’t force it. It has to be because he wants to.

His heart beats steadily beneath my palm and my fingers tingle against his warm skin.

‘The Wyndham account,’ he says eventually. ‘My father worked his whole career towards securing a client like them. He’d set it all up. All I had to do was meet with the head of the company and sign the contracts. It should have been easy.’ He blows out a ragged breath, his face pinching.