When Sully didn’t disappear or fade into my memories, I blinked again.
And when I did it a third or fourth or fifth time—I wasn’t sure anymore—Sully chuckled.
“God, you’re so fucking cute,” he murmured, voice sleep coated.
It was such an attractive thing, his voice, when it sounded like that.
“You’re here,” I said, tipping my head to look up at him. I was tucked in his armpit, held safe between his arm and his large body.
“I’m here.” He tilted his chin, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “Get used to it, baby.”
“That sounds nice.” I turned onto my back, resituating myself in his little arm cocoon. “Getting used to it.”
Sully hummed his agreement, and then I closed my eyes, trusting that he’d be there when I opened them again.
“Do I have to get up and work yet?” I asked.
“Not yet,” he assured me, and even though I had no idea what time it was, I trusted him.
I dosed in and out for the next hour, and Sully didn’t move. He was so still, it almost worried me, but I knew it meant his brain was calm.
Or concentrated.
When I woke fully, smiling up at him as the early morning light streamed through the curtains, he gave me a look like something was on the tip of his tongue.
“What?” I asked, reaching to run my fingers through his hair.
His eyes fluttered shut at my touch, luxuriating in it. He didn’t respond until I dropped my hand.
“I’ve been thinking about something, and I’d like to get your input.” His eyes opened and found mine. “If you’re up for talking. I’d be okay with just lying here, too. Or I suppose we could open our laptops and do our jobs.”
I checked the clock to see that we still had a half hour before my alarm would go off. Funnily enough, I had no interest in getting an early start to the work day. And as much as I liked the idea of basking in the peace of the moment, I knew there were things on his mind he needed to get out.
“Let’s talk,” I agreed.
“I’ve just been thinking about yesterday.”
“The good parts or the bad parts?”
“It was all good, in its own way,” he replied. “But the best parts—I was thinking about the best parts. You wrapped around me.”
My entire body heated at the memories. “It was…so good.”
“It was.” I watched his throat bob as he swallowed. Hard—which heightened my nervous system. “Which made me think…I should get a vasectomy.”
I jerked back. I wasn’t sure what I thought he’d say, but it certainly wasn’tthat.
“What?” I frantically searched his face, which was calm. Calmer than I’d probably ever seen. “Why?”
Sully hesitated, clearly being intentional about his words. “I’m finding it hard to fully regret what happened after Noah’s party. I just—can’t. Because now you’re here, where you belong.” He trailed a finger along the curve of my shoulder and then back up to toy with the ends of my hair. “But I should never have had sex with you after you said you weren’t on birth control.”
“I wanted it, Sawyer.”
“I know,” he acknowledged. “And I—God, Ibadlywanted you, too, El. I was out of my mind with want. I was desperate to feel you again. To touch you. To be with you. But I’d known your reservations about pregnancy, even if they were soveryfar back in my head at that moment. I should have taken more care with you, and I do regret that. Deeply. There’s so much I didn’t realize, and I’m so fucking sorry for what it put you through.”
“I don’t—” I shook my head, still slightly confused about the direction of this conversation. “—blame you. I’m just as much at fault for the decisions we made that night.”
Perhaps more at fault. Because sure, there might have been things he didn’t fully understand or realize, but the same couldn’t be said for me.
