“It’s ok, Lina, you don’t have to pretend to care.” That stung even though the words came out of my mouth. Her expression changed. She backed off the bed as if I’d shoved her.
I was confused, and I didn’t know where we stood, but that wasn’t what I meant. I trusted her with my entire being. Stupid, fucking stupid idiot.
“Petal—fuck—wait,” I blurted, scrambling after her. I grabbed her from behind before she could get far, arms locked around her waist. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. That isn’t what I meant. I don’t know what’s happening in my head right now, but you didn’t deserve that.”
My forehead pressed into the back of her neck as I inhaled her scent. She was the only thing keeping me alive.
“Thank you,” I whispered. “Thank you for not being like the people I grew up with. Thank you for giving a fuck about me when you don’t have to.”
Her hands touched my arms with caution.
“You don’t have to apologize,” she said, turning into my hold until she was facing me. “But next time, I need you to tell me to stop. Don’t let me push you past what you can handle. I never want to send your mind there again.”
I cupped her face and walked her backward until her spine met the wall. As I devoured her, she clenched onto me, digging her nails into my back. That was the pain I wanted. The pain that came from her desire, not my past.
One day, I wanted to feel the pain of her love.
We stayed there, breathless, staring at each other since neither of us knew what to do. “Do you want to talk?”
Lina wanted my truth? Was it because she actually cared, because she wanted ammo against my father, or because she felt sorry for me?
“Cezar, stop overthinking. Listen to me.” Her hand rested lightly against my chest, steadying me. “If you don’t want to talk, we won’t. If you do, I’ll listen with everything I have, the same way you’ve listened to me. So, tell me, what doyouwant to do?” Her words were bold and reassuring in a way I didn’t understand.
“My father… he beats me.”
She didn’t flinch. Of course she knew. People always knew more than I wanted them to. I had tried to hide it, but the signs were there—the scars, the stiffness. The way I never reacted to pain how normal people did.
Without saying anything, she guided me back to the bed and tugged the blankets over both of us. Then she patted her chest gently. “Come here.”
I settled with her body pressed against mine. My arm tucked beneath her head, her leg thrown over my waist like she was trying to shield me from ghosts. We stayed like that for a while, her warmth anchoring me enough to keep talking.
“I’ve never told anyone this.” My voice felt scraped. “You’re my first for a lot of things. I want you to understand how much I fucking hate him. I would kill him if I could.”
Her body stiffened at my admission.
“It started a long time ago. Honestly, it’s been my normal for so long I don’t remember a time before it.” My throat tightened. “My mother died, and he blamed me. Got my brothers to blame me, too. I knew things he couldn’t risk getting out—things hedid. You’d think blackmail would work the other way around, but not with Viktor. He makes his own rules.”
Her fingers moved slowly across the scars on my chest. I didn’t expect it to help, but it did. Keeping me in the present instead of pulling me to my past.
“Viktor thinks fear equals submission. It didn’t work on me. He couldn’t break me the way he wanted. Even when he made my life hell as a teenager, I got used to it. Or numb to it. Not sure which.”
I exhaled, long and shaky. “It got worse when I tried to expose him. I almost did, but before I could, he shoved me aside and threatened me again. I thought it would be the usual beating… but instead, he told me he’d hurt my brothers the same way if I opened my mouth. And I knew he was telling the truth.”
“So, I did what I was told,” I continued after taking a breath. “As long as I obeyed, it was only me. He trained me harder, isolated me, and kept me away from Codrin and Darius. Honestly, I’m surprised Codrin still talks to me. And I don’t blame Darius for not wanting anything to do with me.”
I swallowed. “Eventually, the beatings just… escalated. I don’t know if it was because I got stronger or because his hatred did. But I kept my mouth shut. Everything behind those doors stayed secret, and the people I loved stayed safe.”
A humorless laugh slipped out. “It isn’t ideal. But it keeps them safe.” At least, that’s what I told myself.
Lina listened—really listened—without pulling away. Her attention stayed on me through every word, every scar she traced with her fingertips like she understood me on a level no one ever had. She never made me feel weak, just seen.
“I had to survive. That’s what I kept telling myself. But the way I coped… it warped me.” I exhaled, feeling the truth drag out of me. “I hate myself, Lina, because I’ve grown accustomed to the pain. I hate what he’s turned me into.”
My voice shook, but I kept going. “And the fucked-up thing? The only time I feel like me is when I’m with you. Being open with you is the first thing that’s given me any kind of hope in years. It’s the first time I’ve even pictured a future for myself.”
“Sounds pathetic, right?” I scoffed at my own words, feeling the weight of my confession pressing down on me. I was just trauma-dumping on her, clinging to her. Fucking pathetic.
“It’s not stupid, Cezar. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future for yourself. Your father has always been a worthless piece of shit, and I don’t care what anyone else thinks. You and I know the truth,” Lina responded, her tone protective.
