No doubt my idiocy will be something they’ll have a good laugh about later. It’s a thought that has my tears threatening by the time I unlock the door and stumble inside.
All I want to do is climb into bed and curl up in a ball, which is exactly what I do, falling into a deep sleep for the first time in days. On waking with a start, I’m unsure how much time has elapsed, although the gloom in the trailer says I’ve slept longer than I have in weeks.
I’m drowning my sorrows in a pint of chocolate ice cream when there’s a tap on the trailer door. As unexpected as this is, I have trouble swallowing the large spoonful I’ve just taken.
It has to be Tyler, because other than Ethan coming over to ask about my final tile choice, no-one else has ventured back here.
This sees me shoving the tub of ice cream, complete with spoon, in the freezer. A quick swipe of my mouth with the back of my hand, and I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.
My preparations are a failure of epic proportions when, on opening the door, my reaction to Tyler is such that I freeze. While my first instinct is to step back so he can enter the small space, I can’t do it. The place already haunts me with memories of our special times together.
Instead, I join him in the clearing next to the trailer, the space now outfitted with a couple of wicker chairs I’d picked up at a yard sale. My “please, have a seat,” is more down to the manners drummed into me by Nanna Dot than any wish to prolong this agony.
Unsteady on my feet, I drop into the chair that’s closest to me, glad of the support. Only after Tyler has sat do I realize I haven’t offered him anything to drink. A beat and I decide it’s better if I don’t. The sooner I get this over with, the better.
How I’ll go about that, I’m not sure. I hadn’t thought to rehearse this scene. Part of me didn’t think it would be necessary. Not with that other woman now in the picture.
“How are you? Are you okay? What happened with the car?” Tyler leans forward in his chair, waiting for me to respond. Something I’m having trouble with.
Because he’d driven my car back here, I can’t even use the excuse that the steering was playing up, and it was this that had me hitting the curb.
“Just a silly mistake. My fault. I shouldn’t read texts when I’m driving. I should pay more attention.” It’s only running out of lettuce that puts an end to the word salad I’m flinging in his direction. “How’s Zoe? Is she enjoying school?”
As a diversion, it’s clunky, but it’s one I know will work, having seen how Tyler dotes on his daughter. Sure enough, he proudly tells of the number of gold stars she’s already racked up, and how many friends she’s making.
And then, despite my brain yelling SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, I have to do just the opposite.
“It looks like she isn’t the only one who’s making new friends. I’m so pleased for you.” I’m not really, but I’d like to preserve some small shred of self-esteem if possible.
However, rather than looking as if he’s off the hook, he looks confused, prompting me to choke out, “She looks like a lovely lady, and her little girl was cute as a button.”
Despite my shock, I couldn’t help but notice when the mystery woman walked past my car. Her little girl was a gorgeous little thing who’d waved gaily at Zoe before skipping off after her mom.
Tyler’s daughter deserved a sister like that, and maybe even more siblings. In the months before the car accident, my mom had even hinted the family might get bigger. The only thing I’ll never know is whether my parents were planning on having another kid, or adopting again.
Despite my Nanna Dot showering me with love and declaring us a team, it hadn’t been the same as living with my ‘own’ family. There’d always been something missing, and I wouldn’t wish that on Zoe.
I also wouldn’t wish it on Tyler, with his life not sounding the best after his dad did a runner. Sometimes even love isn’t enough, and if anyone deserves the perfect family, it’s those two.
Tyler briefly shakes his head as if to clear his thoughts. “Lily, what on earth are you talking about?”
Now I’m the one who’s confused. Hadn’t I made myself clear? Hadn’t I just wished him well with his new relationship? That woman and her daughter would give Zoe and Tyler everything they wanted. That’s what he wanted, wasn’t it?
I’m still wondering how I can make it clearer for him without ripping my heart to shreds when he roars with laughter. He does his best to hide this with a coughing fit, but I’m not fooled. On looking up from where I’ve been bunching my dress in my lap, I’m surprised to see his eyes alight with suppressed laughter.
“She’s been asking about you.” He laughs briefly, before adding, “Incessantly.”
Shock wracks my body. How could he be so cruel? All he had to do was stay away from here and let whatever it was we’d had die a natural death. Much as I want to storm to my feet and kick him out, I’m incapable.
“She misses you. Asks after you every day.”
Now I’m the one who’s shaking their head, hoping to fire a few synapses. “Zoe?”
He nods before lurching out of his chair and over to kneel in front of me. Once there, he takes my hands in his, thumbs rubbing the backs of them in soothing circles.
“Lily, if you were talking about the mom who was hitting on me when you drove past, she’s married. There’s also the minor issue that it’s not her I love.”
TYLER
