TYLER
Before the mom had reached out and touched me, Zoe had been about to tell me something. This had me turning on the woman, my expression enough to have her taking her hand away as if burned.
Knowing my daughter as well as I do, I’ve expected a confession for a couple of days now. Experience says that the time it’s taking her to get up the nerve to say something means it’ll be a doozy.
Like using my mom’s best china for a playdate with the mermaid doll Lily had bought her at the aquarium. A playdate that ended with several cups and saucers being smashed, although only thanks to enthusiasm.
I forget all this when I hear a loud bang from farther up the road. The minute I recognize Lily’s car, I take off, dragging Zoe in my wake. Even with her little legs slowing us down, I’m soon enough opening the car door, desperate to see if the woman I love is okay.
She is, but there’s no missing that she’s upset with her tears doing the same to me. And I’m not alone, with Zoe now hugging my back and joining me in telling Lily that it’ll be okay, that she hadn’t meant what she’d said.
It isn’t until I’ve changed the blown tire, dropped Zoe at my mom’s, and am driving Lily home I recall my daughter’s admission. And in hindsight, there’d also been no missing Zoe’s remorse when she’d hugged Lily as if she never wanted to let go.
Unfortunately, on pulling up at Lily’s place, I’m dismayed to see Ethan’s truck out front. Much as I want to talk to her about this while it’s fresh in my mind, I can’t. Not without risking my job.
And now that I’ve seen the cost of some of the add-ons offered by Zoe’s new school, I can’t afford for that to happen. It’s something that has me helping Lily out of her car and then leaving as soon as I can.
The only plus is that with Coogan’s Break being reasonably small, it doesn’t take me long to walk back to my mom’s place. While it hadn’t been possible to ask to Lily what my daughter was talking about, there’s nothing to stop me from going straight to the source.
I’m all for interrogating my daughter until I find her lying face down on her bed. She’s wearing the mermaid tail Lily had given her for her birthday, her small body wracked with tears.
No sooner have I sat on the edge of her bed than she flips over and throws herself into my arms. “Shush, shush, it’s okay. It’ll be okay. Remember, a problem shared is a problem halved.”
She’s shaking her head even before she can get the words out. “No, it won’t! I ruined it. It’s all my fault.”
She’s now crying hard enough that I worry she’ll make herself sick. It’s also loud enough for my mom to pop her head through the door. When she sees Zoe in my arms, she retreats, closing the door after her.
It’s not until Zoe’s tears have subsided to the occasional hiccup that she talks, and even then, it makes little sense. At least until I hear her say, “I know you said not to tell her what I wanted for my birthday, but I wanted it so bad, Daddy.”
This has me working my way through her birthday wish list, with this extensive enough that I’d had to say no to more than half-a-dozen pink, glittery things. It’s only when I think of the big-ticket item that she’d added at the end that my eyes widen in shock.
It would sure as hell explain why Lily had withdrawn like she did. Everything had been perfect when I went into the trailer to make our root beer floats. I’d definitely been gone long enough for my daughter to tell Lily about her wanting a little sister for her birthday.
And it was the one thing Lily couldn’t give her. I’m then wondering why Lily had said nothing when Zoe stutters out, “I told her you said I shouldn’t say anything, and she said it’d be our girly secret.”
Damn it, I knew Lily well enough that she’d never rat out my daughter. “Oh, Zoe girl.” I say nothing else, simply dropping a kiss atop her head. There’s nothing I can say, not without heaping even more guilt on my little girl.
And yet I know I can’t leave it like this. Being with Lily had me happier than I’d been since before I lost Jade. Maybe even happier with us definitely having our trials over the years. I even wonder if Jade hadn’t fallen pregnant, whether we’d still be together.
Now what I need to work out is how the hell I put this right. I can’t very well rock up to Lily’s trailer and ask her how she feels about adoption. It’s way too soon for that sort of talk.
At least I think it is. It’s something that has me disentangling myself from my daughter’s arms and tucking her blankie around her. Back out in the hallway, I find my mom hovering.
“Mom, I need your advice on something.”
Hah, if the woman looked worried over breakfast, it’s nothing compared to her concern now.
“Relax, it’s nothing bad. At least I hope not.”
EIGHTEEN
LILY
After dropping me off, Tyler hadn’t waited around, with the last I saw of him being him marching back the way we’d come.
As in a daze as I’d been on the drive home, I couldn’t even tell you how far away his mom’s house was from mine. Hopefully not too far.
A distracted wave to the Lucky Break crew and I hurry through the orchard to the trailer. Despite my telling Tyler I was okay, that tire blow-out was a real shock, especially coming as it did so soon after seeing him with that woman.
