Page 199 of The Song We Lost

And Luke…

Luke never pushed.

He is letting me lead. He is not only showing up for me, but for our families and for our dreams… this property. Whether it's helping his dad repair machines, helping his mom in the kitchen, learning all about the different types of cider we make here or getting up with Iris when Cole looked too exhausted to function. Loving us all through the grief without asking for anything in return.

I found him near the overlook. The wind moves softly through the trees as I walk toward the benches overlooking the valley below. Wildflowers have started blooming aroundthe edges already, little bursts of purple and yellow scattered through the grass.

Sadie would’ve loved it.

Luke sits leaning against the large tree by the benches, a blanket spread out beneath him and Iris. She is on her back, playing with her toes and cooing along with the song he is signing to her. His guitar balanced across his lap.

“And if someday your heart aches bad

Wondering about the time you didn’t have

Baby look up after the storm rolls through

She’ll leave a rainbow there for you.”

I slow to a stop just listening. Iris stares up at him completely mesmerized, her hand reaching out to him, tiny fingers wrapping around the fabric of his shirt while little happy sounds bubble from her every few seconds.

She’s gotten so big, her cheeks are rounder now, hair is thicker, and she smiles now, real smiles that light up her whole face. Especially for Luke.

The second he finishes the chorus she lets out this tiny excited squeal that makes him laugh softly, and the sound wrecks me a little, because he looks so natural with her. Like this version of Luke was always somewhere inside him waiting to be found. His eyes lift then and land on me standing near the path. Everything about his expression softens instantly.

“There’s my girl,” he says quietly.

Something warm and dangerous unfolds low in my gut. Iris notices me a second later and immediately starts kicking excitedly.

“Well damn,” Luke mutters dramatically. “Guess I’m chopped liver now.”

I laugh softly for the first time all day. The sound still feels fragile and unfamiliar. Luke watches me carefully like it matters.

I move closer until I’m standing beside the blanket looking out toward the mountains.

“It’s beautiful up here in every single season,” I whisper.

Luke glances toward the wildflowers surrounding the overlook, at the life living in full summer growth all around us. “She’d like the colors.”

My throat tightens instantly. Luke reaches for my hand slowly, giving me plenty of time to pull away if I want to. But I have been realizing that I don’t. My fingers slide between his automatically now. After a while Iris starts getting fussy so I join them on the blanket and give her the bottle I had packed in my bag before I went looking for them. She snuggles into me, one hand clasped with mine, while the other tangles in my hair. And Luke strums on his guitar beside us. For the first time I can admit that I miss her without bursting into tears.

The next few days pass quietly. Luke and I fall into each other again in small, almost accidental ways. His hand settled against my lower back while we cooked dinner. Me leaning into him automatically during movies. Falling asleep beside him on the couch while Iris snores softly in her bassinet nearby. It’s like we are healing slowly in all the little spaces between grief.

My birthday arrives wrapped in summer sunshine and a backyard full of people pretending they aren’t watching Luke and I like nervous parents waiting for us to either kiss or combust.

Noah loses twenty dollars to Rhett before dinner even starts. Apparently there was a fair amount of betting involved around my birthday, our anniversary.

The night settles around us warm and golden while music drifts softly through the property and Rose is buzzing around taking what feels like a million pictures. Iris is passed aroundlooking like the cutest sunflower in her yellow tutu and the tiniest pigtails I have ever seen.

For the first time in a long time… Being surrounded by people doesn’t feel exhausting.

It feels safe.

Luke finds me alone near the orchard just after sunset.

“Are you hiding from our family?” he asks softly.

“Yes.”