Page 198 of The Song We Lost

“That’s why I’m still in therapy.”

That surprised her slightly.

“I go twice a week,” I admitted. “And I want… eventually…” I hesitated carefully. “I want us to do a session together.”

Bailey blinked.

“Not because I think therapy magically fixes this,” I added quickly. “But because I think you deserve a place where you can say everything you need to say to me. With someone there to help us through it.”

Her face softened slightly. “I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“You don’t have to be yet.”

Snow continued to drift softly around us. Then after a long silence Bailey whispered, “I hated you for making me question what was real.”

That one hurt the most. Because she should hate me for that. “I know.”

“And I still love you anyway,” she admitted brokenly.

The words nearly dropped me to my knees. I stepped closer slowly, carefully, giving her space to pull away. She didn’t. So instead I reached up and brushed snow gently from her hair.

“I love you too,” I whispered. “I always will.”

Bailey’s face crumpled completely then. And when she finally stepped into my arms…

I held her like I would never let her go.

chapter 49

bailey

. . .

Without realizing it, time passes us by, everyone keeping busy on the property as spring brings in endless work. I haven’t sung or written since everything leading up to and the award show. But I kept myself busy learning how the property runs, how the different businesses operate together and helping Cole with Iris.

My grief is still there, just softer. Like the air drifting through open windows. It feels wrong somehow. Like the world shouldn’t keep moving after Sadie died. Like my grief shouldn’t soften. But it does. That’s the strange thing about grief. Eventually it stops feeling sharp every second of every day and instead becomes something quieter. Heavier somehow. Like carrying a stone inside your chest that never really leaves.

I took a referral from Luke’s therapist, I still haven't been to a joint session with him. But I see someone now and she is helping me work through my feelings, my guilt and the anger that was festering in me. And somehow before I even know it, their anniversary comes out of nowhere.

One year since Sadie and Cole stood on this very property promising each other forever.

One year.

It feels impossible.

The property is quieter that morning. Rose keeps herself busy in the kitchen baking enough food to feed a small army while Thomas disappears outside before breakfast pretendinghe needs to check fencing that definitely doesn’t need checking and grumbling something about apple blossoms. Noah hovers around Cole awkwardly like he doesn’t know whether to crack a joke or hug him. Cole barely speaks at all. But that isn’t unusual anymore.

Grief changed all of us. Just in different ways.

I find myself looking for Luke automatically sometime after lunch and the realization still catches me off guard every time. Because things have been different between us since Nashville.

Since the awards.

Since the trailer park.

We aren’t fixed, but through open conversations and sessions with my therapist I am starting to understand. Luke keeps showing up, he has been a steady constant at my side and that too has me feeling softer. Like all the jagged edges between us finally started smoothing down enough for us to touch each other without bleeding out.

I stopped second guessing every glance, every touch… Every moment. Some nights I even fall asleep curled against his chest without thinking about it.