“That’s sure as fuck what it sounds like we’re doing when you say she can’t stay with us.”
“It’s too dangerous for her here!” His shout stuns me back a step, and he grips his roots before letting his hands fall to his hips. “Our parents were just murdered, and we were just betrayed by someone who knows everything about us. She was kidnapped and held hostage with a sword to her throat. She’s an ungodly child, living among gods. She isn’t safe with us right now.”
“I can protect her!”
“No, you can’t, Thay,” he says and I gasp. His shoulders sag. “You could and would if you have time to prepare, but that’s never a guarantee. What happens to her if we’re at your house and we suddenly find ourselves surrounded by Dark Gods and Oblirians? Or you have to drop everything because they’re attacking at the barrier?”
“V, or me, or any one of us starshoot her out. It takes a millisecond of thought.”
“And what about the day-to-day? She’s going to roam the rows of books at the Athenaeum with Rose and me all day, or sit in Ellian’s office? Or is she going to go to the Court every other day with you? We have to think about more than just her safety. Her structure, stability, her childhood. She needs friends. She needs more than what we can provide her.”
Everything within me vibrates. Everything hurts.
I can’t…I can’t do this.
Numbness pours through my body as my heart splinters open.
“Well. It sounds like you have it figured out already. She’s your sister, so if that’s—”
“Don’t. Don’t you dare do that to me, Thayla Godrun.” His eyes shatter and my bottom lip trembles uncontrollably. “Don’t shut me out to protect your heart. My heart is breaking too, but I can’t think about myself right now. I have to think about her, and you are the closest being to family we have left. You are our big sister, and I need you right now. I need your guidance and blessing.”
I battle the need to sink to the ground and crumble beneath the weight of disappointment that slams into me. Not because of him or this decision.
In myself.
She isn’t safe with us. She isn’t safe anywhere near me.
I know it in my heart and soul.
I hate that.
The tears immediately fall down my cheeks, and I hold my hand over my mouth to silence the sob that wants to escape.
Lambrit tugs me to him, wrapping me in the realm’s tightest hug as I lose myself.
“You—we—aren’t abandoning her. We aren’t doing to her what your parents did to you. We are still going to be here for her every step in this journey.”
I nod against his chest, although it feels like a betrayal.
It feels like I’m doing to her exactly what they did to me.
We sit here silently for a long moment as I collect myself and wipe the snot and tears from my face. I allow everything he said to run through my mind, and I try to push the emotion away. The more logical sense it makes, the more my arguments seem selfish.
They are. They’re my own selfish desires.
After I release a long, ragged breath, I peer up at him.
“You want to ask Annalise and Ellian to keep her.”
He nods.
“I do.”
“Well,” I sniffle and take a step back. “That would be the only circumstance I’d agree to. There she’ll have her own room, affection, other children, adventures, fun, the most delicious food—”
My breath rushes out of me, and I fight back another sob.
“There she’ll have a chance at a normal…as normal as it can be now, childhood. Plus, we can see her every day.”
