“Fuck you.”
I don’t know if Riven shoved him or punched him, but the grunt falling from Kyzen has me wrapping my hand around the doorknob.
“Stop doing this.” Kyzen’s tone holds me frozen, unable to open the door. Their heavy breathing is just as loud as my own.
“I’ve always been understanding about your feelings and why you react the way you do. Always. I always will be, but I’m telling you right now, Riven, when she comes to you to have the conversation she wants and deserves to have with you, you better put this shit to the side and be real with her. I’m not going to let you keep hurting her.”
“Hurt her?” Riven shouts. “I’ve never hurt her, and I never will.”
“You hurt her feelings a little every time she tries to be the slightest bit real with you and you pull away. I know despite the steel of armor she surrounds herself in, you recognize it. You do the same shit. We all do, but at least Amick and I are trying to change. Hopefully, Creed is as well. That’s why I called him out tonight and why I’m doing it to you. If you can’t be open and honest with her, though, then stop this shit now. No more flirting, no more nicknames, no more leading her to believe there’s something forming between you two. Nothing.”
“So you just expect me to what? Either jump into this little Valtrue relationship and allow you to mediate me and everything I do or just have nothing to do with my Binder or any of you?”
“You’re putting words in my mouth so you can find an excuse good enough to dismiss your own feelings and blame me for why you and her can’t be together as well. I’m not falling for that shit, Riven. I’m not going to mediate your relationship with her or any of the relationships she has with any of us. This is me setting that record straight.Again. You can be with her if that’s what you and her want. The decision is completely on the two of you. You just have to fucking be honest with her and most importantly, yourself.”
A second passes, then my bedroom door slams with enough force to rattle my bathroom walls. I cover my mouth with my hand to hide the slip of sound that surprises me.
My fingers tremble as I grip my doorknob again and turn it impossibly slow.
I crack it open enough to see out but also keep my body hidden.
Everything within me hurts as I stare at Riven’s back, the fingers he has laced in his hair, and the tense energy he has pouring off him.
The internal fight he’s having is obvious.
I’ve been fighting it since the second Derivius split my soul.
It’s grown, morphed, and challenged me. Hell, it still does.
Every time I think about wanting all four of them, I argue with myself about how selfish, abnormal, and strange it is. I try to blame my soul or my self-isolated past life for suddenly making me crave connections.
I try to blame it on anything other than accepting the fact that it’s my desires, wants…needs.
I need them equally.
I choke on a gasp and hold my breath as Riven pivots his body the slightest bit, making my fireplace shine a different light on him. Everything inside of me burns and runs cold as my eyes trace his back.
The sight disappears as icy blue and burgundy stare back at me.
Stuck. Unswirling. Trapped in a war.
Both sides are losing.
So many things I want to ask, say, run across my mind, but he doesn’t give me a chance to voice them. He’s already slamming my door before I can cross my bathroom threshold.
The cool air isn’t the only thing that causes me to shiver. The pain, confusion, and I don’t know…desperation that was in his eyes were just as chilling.
It’s been a long day. We have time to face this later.
I walk into my closet with a defeated sigh as the weight of the day presses into me.
Drying my body and hair with one of the extra towels in here is overstimulating. I literally want to snatch at my roots and scream bloody murder.
I don’t, though. My lungs fill repeatedly with the deep breaths I take as I slip on a T-shirt and nothing else. The thought of a bra or underwear touching my skin right now could send me over the edge.
My bare feet patter across my floor to my bed and I rub the fabric of my comforter between my fingers before pulling it back.
Hands grip my hips, and a surprised shriek pours from my mouth as Kyzen pulls me down on top of him.
