“My chaos does incite violence.”
“Then why didn’t it do that the other day? The only people who reacted that way were Gladian’s Valtrue. None of us did.”
My eyebrows rise as I consider that. We didn’t react because we’re used to Riven’s power, but now that I think about it, what she’s saying is true. Yemi, Lambrit, Sevryn, Havar, Rose, hell, even her, they didn’t attack Gladian’s Valtrue when we were holding them back.
“Also, did the fight continue even after Derivius took you all out? If so, your chaos wasn’t going to stretch across the whole Godsden to get to the Abandon without the Godsden freaking out. As for the black stain on your souls…” She releases a deep breath, and I hold mine.
“I’m not the master of souls, but I imagine that stain came once your mindsets changed. Your thoughts went from survival to revenge, and you didn’t care who was standing in your way. It was a selfish decision made in the heat of an emotional and power-induced moment. You saw an opportunity, didn’t consider those around you, and tried to take it. Even though it wasn’t right, I can’t say I would’ve done anything different.
“I don’t feel like I’m doing a good job here using my words. I don’t know if it’s even coming across right. I’m trying to point out where you may have gone morally wrong but also defend and show you all I don’t think you should be blaming yourselves as fiercely as you are. We all do shit that sometimes ends differently than how we wanted or even meant for it to end. We regret it, but it’s important to own it and you all have.
“I just want to make it clear, I don’t view or think of you any differently. I don’t judge you for the decisions you made to try to escape the hell you were raised in. If anything, I kind of wish I had been as brave as you four and tried to escape my own.”
We were already quiet, but we fall even more silent as we let her words settle into our souls.
It takes courage to tell someone you’re close with that you think they did something wrong. She didn’t excuse our actions, though, and she put it in a perspective I’ve never considered before.
We caused the war to break out, but we didn’t cause it to carry on. I didn’t take a soul that day that was completely pure. Not like hers.
That alone helps ease some of the guilt I’ve always carried.
“Well, now I feel like I upset all of you because no one is saying anything.”
“We aren’t upset. Just…thinking. Time for you to go to sleep.”
Riven’s power washes over us and a massive yawn tumbles out of her. She lifts our interlinked hands up and covers her mouth.
“I don’t appreciate you trying to harmonize me so much I fall asleep,” she slurs, and I add to Riven’s power by caressing her soul.
“Shhhh! Nighty, night. Sleep tight.”
She grumbles something incoherently. It takes several minutes, but her body eventually stops twitching when she gives up the fight against his power.
At least two hours pass and we don’t speak, but I know all three of them are still awake, staring at the stars. The heaviness weighing on our minds lingers in the room.
“Did her words help any of you?” Amickasks.
None of us respond at first.
“Did it help you?” Kyzen asks.
“Yes, but I still fear you all blame me. That’s a guilt I don’t know if I’ll ever shake.”
We’ve each carried a guilt on our shoulders from that day.
I’ve hated myself for calling those swords to me. I basically declared there for my brothers you fight by my side or don’t, but I’m not staying any longer. I’ve felt for all these years I put them in an impossible situation.
Amick’s beat himself up for what he told us to do and fuck, we reminded him of that so much when we first got situated in the Godsdawn.
“I don’t blame you. You came up with a plan in a split second to try to get us out. We made the decision to follow it,” Kyzen says.
“I quit blaming you a long time ago. It was never your fault. I should’ve told you that before now,” I say.
Riven sighs loudly. “We each kept pumping our power. That had nothing to do with you. We could’ve stopped after we did what you told us to do. At the end of the day, it’s on all of us. Well, fuck, except for Sevryn. Can’t believe his grumbling ass is innocent. And yeah, I guess the Binder’s words helped.”
Yeah, they did…
And fuck, I can’t believe he is either.
