‘How can I ever repay you?’
‘Don’t speak too soon. I haven’t done anything yet. There are some relationships that can’t be fixed. Usually when one party is stubborn, but it’s worth trying. Why don’t you write him a heartfelt letter and I’ll find a way for him to get it?’
‘You are truly amazing. Do you know that?’
‘Well, you have mentioned it a few times,’ said Clara with a big grin.
‘I want you to know that I promise I’ll never let you down. I’ll continue working on myself and our relationship. I want to be the best partner I can possibly be to you. You’re all I’ve ever dreamed of, Clara Bennett. I love you so much.’
Tom’s dining chair toppled over in his rush to embrace Clara. As they kissed, Clara was more certain than ever that she had made the right decision. After all, home is where the heart is, and Clara’s heart well and truly belonged to the wonderful city of Oxford.
ChapterThirty-Eight
Clara knew that her decision not to leave was more than last-minute cold feet. If she was truthful with herself, her heart had never been in it. She simply got carried away with the idea of such a coveted post. She blamed herself for not being more honest with everyone from the start, least of all herself. It wasn’t the best idea leaving it as late as two days before she was due to join, having sold half her furniture and resigning from the job she loved in the process. It was a valuable lesson she learned to always stay true to herself from now on.
When Tom left, after a magical evening, she had two priorities on her mind. The first was to start looking for Josh to get him the letter that Tom had written with her help last night, and the second was to inform King’s College that she wouldn’t be joining them.
It was early to send a professional email, so Clara started with Facebook. She had obtained the new surname that Josh used from Tom. One quick search found him immediately. She looked at the photo of this younger-looking Tom and smiled. They might have had a terrible relationship by the end but there was no denying that Tom was his dad. She noticed that striking smile and those beautiful twinkling eyes. Now she could picture what Tom must have looked like when he was younger. Clara debated how she should break the ice with Josh. She toyed with the idea of sending a message, but decided it would probably end up in the spam box since they didn’t share any mutual friends. As he had a car-valeting company, his address was clear for all to see and so she noted it down and wrote a quick note to include with Tom’s letter to him.
Dear Josh,
I’m writing to you as I’m a friend of your father’s. I know that he might be the last person you want to hear from, but I have to explain that he has changed. He’s given me a letter that I have enclosed since I promised I would track you down as an intermediary.
I have come to know your dad over the past few months and it’s clear to see that he is very remorseful of his past behaviour. He has been to rehab, done work on himself, and I believe he is a different man to the one you knew when he was in the depth of his addiction. He wants to apologise and would appreciate it if you could hear him out. It would be much appreciated if you could take some time to at least consider his apology, even if you don’t manage to mend your relationship.
Many thanks,
Reverend Clara Bennett
She had one final read over the letter that Tom had written last night to make sure she was happy with what she was about to send. She had only one chance at getting this right.
My dearest Josh,
First of all, I am so sorry. I know that sorry is just a word and might mean nothing after what I’ve put you through, but I am truly ashamed and appalled by my past behaviour. What I did to you was horrendous and I understand that you might not want anything to do with me. However, I wanted to write to you to see if you could find it in your heart to talk to me, so that I can explain how much I have worked on myself since we were last in touch. I understand that you might never want to have a relationship with me again, but I wondered if you could listen to what I have to say. Then, if you still want nothing to do with me, I will completely accept that decision. That is entirely your prerogative.
I want you to know that I am absolutely devastated about what I have done to you, and your mother too, so I want to make amends for all the pain I’ve caused.
Just so you know, I am a member of AA now and have taken all sorts of courses to help myself get better and improve my mental health.
I have missed you so much, my son. I don’t really know what more I can say than I’m sorry and I have changed.
All my love,
Dad x
P.S. Hope you had a wonderful twenty-first birthday. I would very much like to send you something for it if you would allow me to.
She was satisfied that they’d given it their best shot and if he didn’t accept his dad’s apology then there wasn’t much more anyone could do. She sealed the envelope and put it in her handbag to post on the way to work.
Next, she needed to write that important email to King’s College, which wasn’t going to be easy to do either. She had never let anyone down until now, but she realised that she had to do this for herself. She had finally realised that there were times when you had to let people down, even if you didn’t want to. For once in her life, she had to do what was right for her and not everyone else.
Bracing herself, she typed the first words of her email.
Subject: Bad news
Good morning, Bryony,
I’m afraid that I have some terrible news regarding my appointment. I am unable to take up the post and will be staying in Oxford due to personal reasons.
