‘If you trust me, will you tell me more about your son and why he won’t speak to you?’
‘I’m not ready to talk about him. Sorry.’
Clara understood that if she was to gain Tom’s trust then she needed to change subjects. This was one topic that seemed to be off limits for him. Whilst Clara’s heart ached for him, she wondered why he wouldn’t tell her. Surely he realised that she had met many people through the church who struggled with addiction and family problems. It was frustrating when all she wanted to do was make everything better.
‘Okay, I get it.’
Clara noticed Tom’s blood pressure rise on the monitor beside him.
‘I do think you should let someone know about your whereabouts though. Do you have any family anywhere?’
‘Nope. Not that I speak to.’
‘Right. How about your mentor then? I think it’s time we contacted him about this setback.’
Tom thought for a moment. He dreaded Pat finding out, but he also knew he needed to be informed.
‘Yes. He needs to know. Would you mind calling him for me? I can’t bring myself to tell him.’
‘Of course I will. Give me his number and I’ll call him.’
She had met some of the AA mentors through various introductions over the years but she had never encountered Pat O’Sullivan before. Clara could see how much Pat wanted to help Tom from the moment he walked in with a worried face as he saw him in his hospital bed.
‘Oh dear, Tom. You should have called me sooner,’ said Pat.
‘Sorry. I’ve let you down.’
That was all Tom ever said. Sometimes he felt as though he should have a tape recording of the line that he repeatedly told everyone countless times.
‘You’ve not let me down at all. All we want is to help you. We’re going to get you the right support. I assure you. Better days are ahead for you.’
Clara nodded in agreement and Tom felt a tinge of hope. These people who were sat on either side of his bed genuinely wanted to help him get better. He might not feel as though he deserved their kindness but these nice people were trying to find a solution to his troubles, and he told himself that he should at least make the effort to reciprocate.
‘Thank you. I’m ready for help. Whatever you need me to do.’
Both Pat and Clara were pleased that Tom could see he needed to change for good this time, and as the doctor came in to arrange Tom’s discharge from hospital, they went outside the room to have a chat.
‘I’m sorry we had to meet under these circumstances but it’s such a pleasure to meet you. Tom has spoken a lot about you and I know he thinks the world of your good self, Reverend.’
Pat tried to stay professional but he knew exactly what Tom thought of Clara. Although he was a man of his word and kept everyone’s secrets, he wanted to say enough to make sure that she knew how important she was to him. He knew Tom wasn’t one to ever talk much about his feelings and was always guarded. Tom used to joke sometimes that he was as deep as the Pacific, which concerned Pat. He often reminded Tom that talking was good for him and that sometimes it was important to let it all out. If he would have spoken more about the things that bothered him, then there was a chance that he wouldn’t be lying in a hospital bed right now.
Witnessing Tom in this state, Pat realised there were a lot more emotions going on than he had ever realised. He knew that Tom’s drinking had got worse after his wife left him and that was as far as the story ever got. Pat could see that her leaving was something of a catalyst that would haunt him for the rest of his life but Tom wouldn’t talk about it. He simply shut himself off. Of course, Pat didn’t share these details with Clara but he guessed this was where his self-hatred stemmed from, which spiralled further through his alcoholism and guilt for what he put his family through, especially his son who he had completely alienated.
Clara wanted to know more about what Tom had told Pat about her, but she also understood the vows of secrecy he had to keep. Besides, there wasn’t much time as the doctor came out to inform them that Tom was ready to go home.
‘Do you want to take him? Or shall I?’ asked Pat.
‘I’ll take him. We really need to talk.’
Tom was weak as he strolled to the car. Clara thought of all the questions she had for him but also realised that he would clam up if she asked him. He had made it clear he’d said all he wanted to say. Besides, for now, his recovery from alcoholism was the most important thing.
‘How you feeling now?’ asked Clara, as she helped Tom with his seatbelt.
‘Let’s just say this has to be the worst hangover I’ve ever experienced... and I’ve had my fair share of them.’ Tom laughed.
He was already back to making a joke of a serious situation and she hoped that this was a good sign and not deflection. Clara thought how nice it was to see him smiling again. Less than twenty-four hours ago it was something she feared might never happen again.
As they drove closer to his home, Clara remembered how Tom’s fridge was looking empty apart from the cans.
