‘Do you need milk, or anything? Or shall I take you straight home?’
‘Thanks. I might need milk.’
Tom stayed in the car as she rushed around the Tesco Express for some basics. She took pride in caring for him by picking up a fresh loaf, some cheese and reluctantly picked up a ready-made spaghetti bolognaise. Maybe she would make him something homemade tomorrow, she thought to herself. He needed some goodness put back into him and she wasn’t sure the hospital food had helped too much.
Clara handed back Tom’s spare key when they arrived home and, as they walked into the lounge, Tom was mortified. Looking around at all the cans and empty wine bottles after what he thought must have been a three-day bender was a wake-up call.
‘Oh, my goodness. How mortifying. I’m so sorry you had to see this. It didn’t look quite that bad from my view on the sofa.’
‘It’s fine. You don’t have to be embarrassed. Believe me, I’ve seen much worse in my job. Besides, you should know I’m not here to judge. What does the Bible say? “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” Remember that?’
Tom touched Clara’s arm. ‘Why are you so good to me?’
‘Because deep down I know you’re a good man. I’ve seen the way you give money to the homeless whenever we pass someone on the street. Then you generously tipped that busker. It’s not even about money. You always go out of your way to help people. I know you do. You’re always the first to volunteer to help. Even if you don’t always see it, I want you to know you’re not a bad man, Tom. You’re really not.’
Tom gestured around him. ‘I beg to differ, but thank you.’
‘Come on, why don’t you get some rest and I’ll clear this place up so you don’t have to look at it any longer. Where do you keep your bin bags?’
‘I can’t let you do that. It’s my mess.’
‘Not at all, it’s therapeutic. I love clearing up.’
‘Nobody loves clearing up. Unless you’re on one of those TV programmes about decluttering and that’s just weird.’
‘I don’t mind at all. Honestly, I’m used to it. You should see what student accommodation’s like after a night out. Besides, do these nails look like I’m some sort of prima donna who doesn’t lift a finger?’
She had never been one to wear nail polish. She would be the sort of person who would chip it instantly.
‘You have lovely nails.’
‘Ah, thank you but that isn’t what a manicurist in a fancy salon would think. Anyhow, let me make you a coffee and you sit there. The doctor said you needed to rest for a few days.’
‘What did I do to deserve someone so wonderful in my life?’
For the first time since she had found him on the sofa, Tom managed to give Clara one of his lingering looks directly in the eye. It gave her a little tingle, but Clara also realised that everything had changed. Deep down, this was a man who struggled to open up to anyone and she wasn’t sure there was much hope for the future. She had to be sensible and listen to her head rather than her heart.
As Tom sipped his coffee on the sofa where he had tried to take his life, and Clara began to throw the empty cans into the blue recycling bag, she realised how complex Tom was. She wasn’t confident that she or anyone else could fix him until he accepted that his pain was something he needed to work on for himself.
ChapterTwenty-Four
Sleepless nights were becoming quite the thing for Clara. She had struggled with them when she went through menopause, but now they were back with a vengeance for one reason and one reason only: Tom.
Having had experience with addicts, she knew how difficult the journey was and the relapses that they encountered, even the lies they sometimes told themselves and other people. She thought back to a former student she had tried to help many years ago and whilst she had done everything in her power to get Chloe back on track, she ended up dying of liver cirrhosis by the time she was 30. Would that be the next step for Tom if he was to repeat this behaviour again? In a selfish way, she knew she couldn’t go through that. She had already lost her parents and encountered enough grief in her life and the thought terrified her. Clara also knew that she hadn’t told Tom yet about the job interview in Cambridge. It wasn’t exactly the time to announce it when he was flat out in his bed following a serious A&E visit. But now that she had serious doubts as to whether she could truly support someone who might not be ready to change their ways, she felt more inclined than ever to want the opportunity.
Since Pat had promised to make sure that he would support Tom from the addiction side of things, Clara decided they needed some space. She knew Pat was the right person for this part of Tom’s journey. He had been through it himself and understood better than she did what needed to be done next.
As much as Clara wanted to reach out to Tom and Pat to see how they were getting on, she knew that sometimes you had to take a step back. In addition, she needed to start thinking about her job interview that had finally come around. This wasn’t made any easier when she went to the student halls to pick something up and Charlie greeted her with a box of chocolates.
‘Now, I’d love to say they were from me, but Sian dropped them here earlier. She wanted to say thank you for all the support you’ve given her. She was packing up the last of her stuff.’
‘Oh no. That’s sad to hear. I knew she wanted to leave but I do hope she hasn’t dropped her degree completely.’
‘No, she’s transferred closer to Cardiff, so she’s over the moon.’
‘I’m so pleased to hear that.’
‘She also left a card for you.’
