“Yes?”
“I love you.”
Her eyes went bright with tears she wouldn’t let fall. “I love you too, sweet boy.”
I headed to my room, eager to get started on the idea that was taking shape in my head.
I pulled out a piece of paper from a notebook and grabbed a pen and started writing.
Things I Want to Do With You.
When I was finished with the first twelve items I could think of, I folded the paper carefully and tucked it into my jacket pocket. I wouldn’t go over there today because of theholiday. I wasn’t going to disrupt the Dumontiers’ Thanksgiving.
But I was going there tomorrow.
Because my mom was right—words weren’t enough.
But this list wasn’t just words.
It was a promise.
It was a map of the future I wanted to build with her.
And I was going to spend the rest of my life proving I meant every single item on it.
FIFTY
The barn had always been my sanctuary. When Drew and I were kids, we’d built a fort in the hayloft out of old blankets and stolen couch cushions. We’d spent entire summers up there, reading comics and making up stories about being pirates or astronauts or whatever adventure had captured our imagination that week. As we got older, Drew had spent most of his time playing hockey, but the barn had stayed my haven. I’d practiced dances out here for hours.
It had always been my happy place, but now Liam’s memory tainted the air.
Even with the memories from spending this summer with him bombarding me, the barn felt like the only place I could breathe.
My family had been watching me carefully since I came home for Thanksgiving break. Mom was constantly checking on me, Dad would stare whenever I entered a room, although he tried not to be too obvious about it, and Drew kept trying to get me to tell him what was wrong.
I just wanted some peace from the questions that I didn’t have the heart to answer.
But even with the cold air nipping at my nose and lips, I couldn’t find the energy to move and go back inside, so I just stayed with my legs dangling out of the loft and watched the snow start to fall.
It was always so peaceful when it snowed. Everything got really quiet except for the small little sounds the snow made as it fell against hard ground. I closed my eyes and took a deep inhale, letting the cold shock my lungs.
My nose burned with the threat of tears as my heart ached in my chest. It had been aching like that since Liam had walked out of my apartment. I wasn’t sure if it would ever stop; it didn’t seem likely since he’d taken my heart with him.
Even knowing he’d been lying hadn’t made our breakup easier. Because understanding why someone hurt you didn’t make the hurt go away. And knowing he was lying didn’t change the fact that he’d still chosen to leave.
The snow fell harder, and I pulled my coat tighter around me.
I should probably go inside, drink hot chocolate with my mom, or curl up on the couch in front of the fire. My mom was likely already making room for the Christmas tree we’d be going to get tomorrow. It was our family tradition. The Saturday after Thanksgiving, we always went out and cut our Christmas tree, then spent the rest of the day decorating it. She’d probably appreciate my help.
But I couldn’t make myself move.
I missed him.
God, I missed him so much it felt like a physical wound—this constant ache in my chest that flared every time I saw something that reminded me of him.
Which was everything and everywhere. I’d neverrealized how embedded Liam Farrell was in every aspect of my life—even before we were together—until he was gone.
But I wasn’t going to chase him.
