Mom was in the kitchen when I let myself in, pulling a pumpkin pie out of the oven. Normally we spent Thanksgiving with the Dumontiers, but she hadn’t pushed when I’d told her we should have our own Thanksgiving dinner this year.
“Liam?” She turned, surprise flickering across her face. “Where on earth have you been? I’ve been worried sick.”
“I know.” I ran a hand through my hair. “I’m sorry. I just needed to think for a while.”
She studied me for a long moment, the way only mothers could. Then she set the pie on the cooling rack and wiped her hands on her apron.
“Sit down. You look half frozen. I’ll make tea.”
“Ma, I don’t need?—”
“Sit.”
I sat. My mom thought tea fixed everything, although she still complained that US tea wasn’t the same as Irish tea. Even the imported stuff didn’t taste the same as it did in Ireland, but she still preferred it over coffee.
She’s never had another relationship after my dad. I wasn’t even aware of her ever dating, although she was still pretty and could have easily dated. Instead she’d focused on giving me a stable life. She’d gone to school so she could become a nurse and buy our house. She’d always put me first, when she so easily could’ve blamed me for being the reason she’d been stuck with my dad for so long.
“You look terrible,” she said as she set a steaming mug in front of me.
“Thanks.”
“I’m serious.” She placed the back of her hand on my forehead and then my cheek, humming in her throat before she sat across from me, wrapping her hands around her own mug. “You’ve got shadows under your eyes and you’ve been very quiet since coming home for break. What’s going on?”
I stared into my tea like it held answers. “I did something stupid.”
“Okay,” she said, like she was waiting for me to elaborate so she could determine if it was really stupid or just boy stupid.
I looked up at her. “I fell in love with Ava, and then I broke up with her because I was scared I’d turn into Dad.”
The color drained from her face and her body went very still. Then she placed her hand over mine where it rested on the table. “Liam.” Her voice was quiet but steady. “You are not your father.”
“Drew said the same thing.”
“Because it’s true. You’ve always taken after him in the looks department, but your personalities couldn’t be any more different. Your father doesn’t know how to care about anyone but himself. You have always cared deeply about the people in your circle. You have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met, and that’s what makes you different. My sweet boy,” her voice broke and I looked up to see tears in her eyes. “It kills me to think you’ve spent all this time thinking you were even a smidgeon like him.Youare good to your core.Youare loyal, kind, generous, and have been since the moment you were born.”
“But what if that changes? What if one day I wake up and I’m just like him?”
She scoffed. “That’s not going to happen.” She must’ve seen the doubt in my eyes because she squeezed my hand. “But if it did, then you simply make a different choice. That’s the thing your father never understood because he’s genuinely too selfish. It’s not about who you might become someday—it’s about who you choose to be right now. Every day. Every moment.”
I let the words sink in, settling deep in my chest where the fear had been rooted since my dinner with my dad.
“I hurt her,” I said. “I said terrible things to make her think she didn’t matter to me.”
The pain in my mom’s face made shame rise to mycheeks. I was going to throw up; I never wanted her to look at me like that again.
“Then you apologize. You make it right.” My mom’s eyes were fierce now, the same fierceness I’d seen when she finally told my dad to leave for good. “But you don’t do it with only pretty words, Liam. Words are cheap. Your father was always full of pretty words.”
“Then how?”
She smiled. “You show her. You show her who you really are, not who you’re afraid of becoming. And if you’re going to start with words, use those words to show her you knowherand lovehernot just the idea of her.”
I nodded slowly, an idea forming in the back of my mind.
“Thanks, Ma.”
“Thank me by being happy.” She squeezed my hand once more before letting go. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”
I stood, then paused. “Hey, Ma?”
