Lyrius’s eyes immediately dropped with shame, and Dr. Sy nodded before turning toward her.
“And what belief have you carried about yourself?” Dr. Sy looked toward Lyrius.
“That I ruin everything.” She closed her eyes immediately.
“And what makes you believe that?”
“Where do you want me to start?”
“Anywhere.”
“I got him shot.” Her voice cracked. “I lied. I ran. I kept Dakoda from him.” I glanced at her. She’d been carrying a lot, and even with all she’d done, I still wanted to comfort her.
“And now?” Dr. Sy asked gently.
“I don’t think I deserve a happily ever after.”
Fuck.That one got me.
“Why?” Dr. Sy leaned forward slightly.
“Because people like me never get those.” The answer came immediately, and Dr. Sy was quiet for a second. Then he leaned back in his chair.
“People like you? Care to elaborate?”
“People who make bad decisions.” Lyrius shrugged. “People who rob and steal and hurt people they love.”
I hated hearing her talk about herself like that. It was like she’d spent years collecting evidence and building a case against herself.
“Do you believe people should spend the rest of their lives paying for their worst mistake?”
“I don’t know.” Lyrius hesitated. “When they hurt people, I guess . . . I knew why I was there.” Her eyes dropped. “I knew what they wanted from him. I didn’t know every detail, but I could’ve told him.” Her voice cracked. “I could’ve warned him. But I didn’t, and he got shot.”
I sat there staring at Dr. Sy and then back at Lyrius. Dr. Sy knew the story. He was the only person who I’d confided in. He was the only person who helped me pick up my pieces.
“And what sentence have you given yourself for that?” he asked her.
“What?” Lyrius frowned.
“You’ve clearly convicted yourself already. What’s the sentence?” The question caught her off guard. Hell, it caught me off guard.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“I think you do.”
She thought about it for a minute, then finally opened her mouth. “I guess being alone.”
“Interesting.”
“How?”
Dr. Sy looked at her for a moment. “Because your punishment has nothing to do with what happened that night.” His eyes softened. “You made a mistake, Lyrius. You should’ve told him. You should’ve warned him. You know that.”
“I do.” She nodded.
“But that’s not the whole story. From what I was told, you jumped in front of a gun for him. You also called 911. You stayed long enough to save his life.” I looked over at Lyrius, and she was crying, probably the hardest she’d cried since this session began. “You can make a terrible mistake and still be a person worthy of love. Accountability says,I made a mistake.” His eyes lifted back to hers. “Punishment saysI am the mistake.”
I wanted to say something, but I just sat there watching Lyrius, thinking about everything she’d told me about her past. Lyrius wasn’t struggling to forgive herself for what happened. She’d already decided she wasn’t worth forgiving. Somewhere along the way, she’d stopped believing she deserved good things. She was still that teenage girl who learned how to survive before she learned how to trust. She’d learned how to run before she learned how to stay.
