Alex is back to coping the only way he knows how, pulling away and spending as much time as he can away from me.
It’s something we struggled with each time we lost a child. He left me on my own for hours. But after a couple of weeks, he always came back and turned into a loving husband.
This time, to make up for his absence, he asked the housekeeper to take care of me and the house.
May is a fifty-something-year-old Chinese woman with a loving touch and awarm smile. I feel soothed by her presence. She brings back memories of my mother on days when she was more loving than harsh.
May feeds me and does her best to get me into the shower if too many days pass without me having one. Sometimes I catch her watching me with a concerned look on her face.
Alex leaves before I get up and often returns when I’m asleep. There are times he leaves the ranch altogether. Other times, he locks himself in the cabin outside until nightfall.
Every now and then, he shows up when I’m awake and holds me when we sleep, whispering that we’ll be fine. I never believe a word he says.
If I’m not staring out the window, I sit in front of the TV, watching any news that has to do with Brittney McLaren’s murder.
Jeffrey Holder’s trial is fast approaching. I still want to believe he didn’t do it, but there’s so much evidence that he did. One piece is Brittney’s underwear, which was found inside the trunk of his car. The only important piece of evidence that hasn’t been located is the rope that the forensics investigators believe was used to strangle Brittney.
I tried several times to reach out to Lavinia, but we can never find anything to say to each other.
She knows about the baby. She extended her condolences and I accepted them. We’re still friends, but we’re both fighting with our own individual demons.
“Mrs. Watson,” May says from behind me. “The senior Mrs. Watson is here to see you.”
“Thanks for letting me know, May. Tell my mother-in-law that I don’t want to see her.”
It’s the first time Marcy has shown up after the baby died, her grandchild.
“Actually,” I say when May walks to the door, “ask her to come up.”
I’ve got a lot to tell the woman. I’m done hiding my feelings from her and walking on eggshells. I’m broken, but in a weird way, I’m also stronger than I’ve ever been.
A few minutes later, Marcy’s heels tip-tap against the wooden floor until she comes to stand behind me. She waits for me to face her, but she no longer has the power to intimidate me.
“Are you here to gloat?” I watch another flock of birds flying over the water.
“I came to tell you that your time is up.” Her sharp words slice through me. “I’m sure you know that already.”
“No, actually I don’t. What exactly are you trying to tell me?”
“I’m telling you that you’re no use to Alex. You no longer deserve to be in his life.”
She pulls up a chair and sits next to me, observing my expression, waiting for me to break down. I don’t react.
She sighs. “You know what he told me the day after you lost the child? He admitted that he made a mistake running away with you. He never got to live the kind of life he deserves, the kind of life we wanted for him and worked so hard for.”
“You’re a liar. Alex would never say something like that to you. He loves me, and I’m not leaving him.”
She looks taken aback. She again didn’t expect me to stand up for myself.
She pulls herself together quite fast. “If I’m lying, then where is he? Why isn’t he here with the wife he supposedly loves so much?” She dips her head to one side. “Why is he not here to take care of you, Viola?”
“Alex also lost a child. He’s grieving in his own way.”
“By running away from you?” She laughs. “The truth is, he doesn’t want to be here when you’re around. You are not good for him. You never were.”
“So you think I should just give my husband and our life up?”
“That’s what a smart woman would do in your situation.”
