She shifts, moving closer to the candle. The dim light exposes a desirable form—a goddess dressed in a blue carriage gown with buttons running from top to bottom.
And when I finally come close enough to see her face, the grimace she wears chills my blood as does my cane hitting a packed portmanteau. She’s ready to go.
“Oh, Katia, why are you doing this?”
“It’s Katherine. Katia is diminutive for affection and love.”
“So you are taking back your love? That’s new. I’ve built no river for you to run to and try to divorce me again. You can’t be heading to the Thames.”
She doesn’t answer my teasing.
“May I sit beside you?”
“It’s your mistress’s bed.”
I ease onto the mattress to her right. “Do I get an explanation for why you’re ready to leave me again?”
“Nope. That’s the nature of our relationship: no explanations. We can have at each other and then disappear, leaving nothing but soul ties between us.”
“Katherine, you left after we made love the last time, too. Why do you think I’ve resisted? I liked things the way they were. We got along, with a little kissing and cuddling. Now we’ve had each other’s love, and you’re leaving me again. I cannot win.”
“What do you meanagain? I haven’t left the house yet.”
I reach for her hand. “You don’t remember? My sister recovered after I rushed to her. Overjoyed, I came back to our suite. You ruthlessly made love to me then. I think of that moment and hunt for what I could’ve done to change the outcome.”
“Of course the master strategist would.”
I tap my cane again against her luggage. “Your bags were packed like this. You forced an argument about my upcoming trip to London.”
“You didn’t want to take me. Tavis and his parents said you fake-married every year, always to a stranger. They said it meant nothing or you’d take me with you to London. You wanted me to stay in St. Petersburg with your mother.”
“Exactly. But you dashed to the Neva River. You were so dramatic, rushing to the water’s edge and saying we were done.”
She sighs heavily. “You were right. I should never have left with them. Should’ve stayed and realized how good a woman your mother is.”
“All this is the past. Katherine, we’ve forgiven each other. Why are you up here in the dark? Lydia is well enough to be in the library. Your sisters are in and out, as they should be. Lada is learning tricks from Mr. Steele. Didn’t know the fellow had a soft side. And there’s a brave man who may regain some part of his sight tomorrow.”
“And the world is coming to your ball the day after. Yes, I know.”
I tap the end of my cane to her portmanteau. “So you will leave me to face the world alone? Or is this punishment for your invalid husband who escaped the asylum without your permission?”
She shakes her head. “I’m not trying to punish you.” Those wet, mirror-black eyes capture me like I’ve found a universe of stars. “Were you so unsatisfied by me that you had to go elsewhere?”
This pains me. I tower over the woman. “You honestly think I’d want another after making love with you? You steal my breath and my strength; what exactly is left?”
At least this woman has the decency to blush for what we’ve done in secret. “I don’t know what else to think. You left. You had to be away from me. Maybe you regret us.”
“Don’t.”
She puts her head in her hands. “I’m tired of wondering and hurting. You have a ball on Friday. I should go and return when it’s over. I am so tired of being in the way or left out because my sins are truly unforgiveable.”
“Katherine, I’d already made plans. Us seducing one another was surprising. Guess I haven’t gotten used to the way the world turns upside down when we are together. Understand me, I’m not complaining. And I’m not as flexible as I need to be … with my schedule.”
“You’ve come to joke?” Her face shifts back to the dark. “I needed you here. You left like I’m not a priority. Or worse, you reasoned with your brilliant mind that I would be happy with any tiny amount of affection you allowed.”
She crosses her arms. “Honestly, I should be. I’m the one who’s done the worst.”
Trying to be understanding, I hide my stewing frustration. “I have debts to pay. Meeting with Livingston accomplished one. We met at White’s, not Madame Rosebud’s. But the man practically lives with the courtesan. Being near him makes one reek.”
