The copper tub is being brought to Jahleel’s chambers. A new day is starting. I stand in the corridor, watching everyone else live.
Part of me wants to leave this house. If I were Georgina, I’d run. I’d get in my dray and go back across the river where I belong. But I won’t today … but soon.
I chose this role. I made it with my hands. I wasn’t brave enough to stay with Jahleel when my fears were manipulated. I wasn’t brave enough to claim my own daughter. So I must accept that maybe they aren’t brave enough to love me fully.
So it doesn’t matter that Lydia calls me Katherine and longs for her father, her papen’ka. I have another day to watch the two live and be healthy and pain-free. Standing at a distance, knowing they have another hour, another minute, another day shouldn’t matter.
I walk to the mistress’s room, knowing I’m not the villain but a desperate woman. I keep accepting crumbs of affection, of inclusion, of something that looks like love. Yet even when dieting on crumbs, I’ve become too full.
Sitting at my vanity, I see the defiance in my dark eyes. There’s a powerful woman inside me. She’s still here, and she must fix things or flee.
Chapter 37
JAHLEEL—LOOKING FORKATHERINE
With the entire house recovering with Lydia, the Carews postponed Thom’s surgery to the Thursday before the ball.
I must go check on the old man and see how he’s faring, but I must also visit with Katherine. She’s been present at Anya House, but seemingly absent the entire week. At first, I thought she was tired or had come down with Lydia’s cold.
I gave her time to stop being mad at me for failing to tell her of my activities, but now I must know what’s wrong and how to fix it. After our afternoon in my secret room, I thought everything changed. A quiet Katherine is a dangerous woman.
Our bet is done. It’s time to lay down all my cards.
Tapping on her door from the long corridor, I receive no answer.
Oh, she’s mad. Or sick?
“Katherine.” I rap harder on the door. “Are you well? It’s been a few days. I’m concerned.”
“The bet? Guess I failed to uphold my part again.”
“No, you won the bet. You had me checked. My king bows down at your glorious feet.”
She doesn’t answer.
“Katherine, this is your room, your territory. If you don’t want me to enter, I won’t. But I need to look at you and know you’re well—”
“Yes. See my face. I remember. Come in.”
I open the door, and the room is pitch black. “How can I tell if there’s no light?”
A match strikes. A spark of light catches a wick. “My rules. No getting upset. No inane chatter.”
She’s lying on the bed with her back to me. She’s fully dressed, like me when I think I might die in my sleep.
Letters are on the bed table. The wax seal’s color looks like the Palmerses’ burgundy. They continue harassing her.
“What do our old in-laws want now?”
“Besides my head on a platter and the business, and the house on Ground Street? All my parents built and ten thousand pounds.”
“They can’t have anything. I’ll make them stop. Why are you letting them put you under such strain?”
“What do they say that’s not true … about me? Liar, bigamist. Now mother of an illegitimate child.”
That bastard, how dare he write that. He must pay. “Katherine.” I lean against the door. “Your rules. I am your servant.”
“No. This is your dominion. Jahleel, you’ve won everything. My sisters love you. My daughter. Even I love you. I knew that it would be dangerous to do that again.”
