“A woman needs that too. So, it was no jest to be your afternoon lover?”
“I was honest.”
“In your world, that’s honesty?”
She wanted complete honesty; he’d tell her his fears about her. “We both know that temporary may be all that you can offer.”
“What?”
“Jemina, who you are right now could go away tomorrow. That’s the risk about you. You could wake up with your memories returned and be someone else. I don’t want to become a man you’re loathed to touch.”
Now her eyes widened. Again, he’d said too much.
“A temporary mistress situation is my fault? You tell me over and over that only tomorrow matters, to forget the past, to go for what I want. Now you fear my yesterdays.” She clutched his collar. “Who was I, Ashbrook? What type of woman was I that I’ll want nothing to do with an honorable man? Tell me what you know.”
His defense should’ve rested. Instead, he’d ran amok. He rubbed at his face and prepared to destroy her peace. “Here’s what I know. The St. Maurs looked at Blackamoors, at those of African descent as chattel, things to abuse and sell. They heavily financed the slave trade between Africa and the colonies until the transport became illegal. Now they run the intercolonial slave ships. That’s what I discovered.”
Hurt flared in her eyes, like volcanoes spewing ash and molten rocks. “That’s not all, is it? Finish me.”
“That’s all I know.”
“Was I a slaveholder?”
“I don’t think so. I could find no records on you, but Cecil St. Maur was.”
“Cecil? I’m going to be sick.” She knelt in the grass and her stomach erupted.
Daniel held her shoulders and braced her against his legs.
She vomited again, and he kept her chignon from falling into her face.
When she finally soothed, he helped her up and offered her his handkerchief.
“I’m sorry, Jemina. I should never have told you.”
She coughed and wiped at her mouth. “At least you gave me something that was true.”
Daniel held her. “By far, this was the worst proposition I’ve ever made. I am so sorry.”
“I must find out the rest. Perhaps you can help me contact the St. Maurs. They will know.”
“No, Jemina. They let you be committed. They left you to rot. Your past is gone. No one but you and I know what I’ve discovered.”
She wiped at her mouth. “I have to know if I held those views. I have to know if I can make restitution. I have to know—”
He had her by the shoulders. “Nothing more, Jemina. It’s done. TheMinervais done. Don’t stir up trouble.”
Daniel closed his eyes, took up her palm, and slapped himself.
“What was that for?”
“It was coming. I just wanted it silent.”
“Ashbrook, you’re not the only one with connections and plans. I’ll take whatever risk is necessary to regain the rest of my missing pieces.”
“It’s gone, Jemina. You’re different now. I’m asking you to stop.”
“You just told me you found evidence of my past. That means there’s more out there. Thank you for your offer to distract me with leisurely afternoons, but I will be busy figuring out the rest of my history. It’s obvious I have to save myself.”
