Her manipulative ass. I stepped back. “I’m good. Thanks for checking on me. Anything else?”
“I’ve never seen you look like this. Kensie must not be taking good care of you,” she said with disdain.
At her implied insult about Kensie, who had taken very good care of me until I ran her away, I clenched my jaw to stop the curse words that threatened to escape. “Emme, stop coming around. Stop checking for me. Just stop. Please. It’s so over. I don’t know what else I need to do or say for you to move on.”
Emme’s eyes watered. “Can you please just answer me? Why her? I was there for you for years.”
I shook my head. “We both cheated on each other in college until I decided enough was enough, despite whatever lie you told Kensie. You wereneverthere for me. You told me I was a fix whenever you were between boyfriends. You never asked about my life or seemed to care about what I did outside of the few times we had sex. Most of the time, we didn’t even spend the night together. I’m not trying to hurt you anymore because I realized I gave you false hope every time I answered your call or text. You’re here right now because of ego and nothing else. You seemed happy when you told me about your man more than two years ago. All you and I had was some lust, and that’s it. From what you’ve told me, your man sounds like a better fit for you than I am. And if you can’t let go of whatever is in your head about us, you’ll miss out on a love that’s meant for you.”
Then the elevator pinged, and the doors opened right behind Emme . . . to reveal a stunned Kensie who didn’t move. I rushed from my place before the elevator closed again, leaving Kensie and me alone on the elevator.
“It’s not what you think,” I started and grasped her arms, pain slicing through my left arm and chest as I did so. Yet, I held on.
Kensie looked up at me. “It doesn’t matter. I know better than to drop by a man’s home uninvited.”
Surprised by her calm and even tone when I expected rage, I squeezed her arm gently. “I didn’t invite her, either.”
She held up her hand. “I shouldn’t have come. Or maybe I was supposed to be here exactly at this moment to grasp the hurt Emme must have felt when she saw us splashed everywhere. I shouldn’t have betrayed a friend like I did by being with you. I knew how she felt about you and ignored her feelings.” Kensie chuckled derisively. “Betrayal seems to be our little group’s hashtag. I’m here because Ms. Murielle was worried about you. Besides a haircut and some grooming, you look fine to me. So, I’m out.”
“I’m not fine. My head and heart are so fucked up. I don’t know what to think or feel about anything. It’s like I’m numb and don’t give a fuck.” Now that she was here in front of me, I didn’t want her to leave, but I couldn’t allow myself to tell her that.
“Because of me. You made that clear when you dumped me.” The doors to the lobby opened, and she said, “You can let me go now.”
“I know you don’t believe me about Emme. You won’t let me explain.” My voice trembled. I would focus on her immediate anger since I didn’t know how to apologize for how I ended our relationship.
“I believe you, so you don’t need to explain any further. We started off with a lie, so how could we possibly expect a happily-ever-after?” Kensie moved from my grasp off the elevator, and I released her. “Thank you. I needed this.”
“Needed what?” I blocked the door from closing. Kensie was leaving again. This time, on her own accord, and with every step she moved from me, my already shattered heart broke into even smaller pieces.
“Closure. I swore I wouldn’t be another sad song. A pitiful woman hoping a man will wake up and see that she’s the only one for him when it’s painfully clear he doesn’t see her the same.” Her chest rose before it fell in resolve. “I’ll tell the truth. Everything is my fault, and I’ll deal with the fallout. Hope your rep will remain intact. It’s the least I can do since I started all this when I asked you to pretend in the first place.”
My forehead dipped as the elevator started ringing because I held the door open too long. “I thought you didn’t know about the video.”
The right corner of her lips curved downward. “Who am I to teach the world about love when I didn’t know how to have it for myself? You were right that I had no intention of calling you again after Montego Bay, and I made the mistake of telling Saraj I couldn’t stop thinking of our night together in Jamaica. If I’d kept that to myself, maybe he wouldn’t have done what he did, trying to blow up my career. Or if I refused to follow you to the kitchen or let you go down on me when I knew you were too much for me, there wouldn’t be a video. Maybe Jamaica would’ve been a hot memory of us, and you would be standing right now victorious rather than broken. I didn’t know about the video, but I did start all of this by default. Now, I’m finishing it.”
She turned around and walked away from me with her head held high.
As much as I wanted to go after her and hold on, I had nothing to offer her when I had no clue how I felt about anything anymore. I finally allowed the screaming elevator to close.
Darkness. Sweet, sweet darkness. I welcomed the night. No expectations at night. I could sleep and wallow in pain uninterrupted. Covering my head with my pillow, I closed my eyes. Kensie defiantly stared back at me, telling me she would go public with everything. Everyone would soon know that we weren’t really a couple or engaged. Except we felt real. We were real until we weren’t.
Suddenly, the lights illuminated my bedroom. “Get up, Canaan.”
“I’m not in the mood,” I retorted.
Ms. Murielle threatened, “In two seconds, I’m throwing those covers off you.”
“I’m naked.”
“Then I suggest you get up on your own if you don’t want me to see your glory.”
When I didn’t move, cool air swept under the comforter, and I grabbed the material to keep it wrapped around me. “Okay . . . Okay. I’m getting up.”
“I’ll be in the TV room. Three minutes and I’m back here.”
She slammed the door behind her, and I swung my legs to the side of the bed, cursing under my breath.
“What did you say?” Ms. Murielle spoke through the door.
