So please go chase your dreams. Think of the times we shared and know that I’ll always be cheering you on and loving you from afar.
All of my love forever,
Kate
My phone dings, letting me know the ride is two minutes away. I wheel my suitcase down the hallway and grab my work bag. I take a final look at the place that felt more like home than any other because I shared it with him. I bite my lip hard, drawing blood, hoping it’ll prevent the tears from falling.
I reach for the door handle and walk out into the muggy air as my car pulls up to the curb. I don’t say a word as the driver loads my luggage, and I climb into the back seat. When the carpulls away, the tears start to fall, and it doesn’t take long until I’m sobbing.
fifty-eight
My phone dings again.And again.And again. One text after another, followed by two calls that I don’t answer, and a voicemail. Rinse and repeat.
I don’t need to look at my phone to know who they’re from. They started a few hours after I got to my condo, around the same time our alarm would go off. I can’t bring myself to look at any of the texts or listen to the voicemails. Instead, I ignore them and burrow deeper under the duvet, wanting to disappear.
“Do you want me to look at his messages?” Chelsi asks, sitting next to me in her pajamas. Although I tried not to wake her when I came home around 4 a.m., I broke down as soon as I walked in the door, when I realized the condo no longer felt like home. She found me collapsed in the entryway, tears streaming down my face as I attempted to explain what had happened between my panicked breaths. Convincing me, at some point, to carry my sad self to the comfort of my bed, which is where we’ve been ever since. The phone dings again. “I don’t think he’s going to stop until you respond.”
“You can look, but I don’t want to know what they say,” I murmur from underneath my duvet.
“Unlock your phone,” Chelsi says, holding the phone out to me as I begrudgingly sit up and punch in my password. The room is silent except for our breathing as Chelsi scrolls through his messages. Her initially stoic expression slowly evolves into sadness with every message she reads. “Oh God, Kate. He’s devastated. You should really talk to him, or at least read some of these. They’re heartbreaking.”
“I can’t,” I reply, my lip quivering as tears begin to fall onto my puffy face.
The phone dings again.
Chelsi looks at the screen, reading his latest message. Her eyes widen as she lets out a small gasp. “I don’t think you’re going to have much of a choice.”
“What do you?—”
There’s a loud bang on the front door, followed by a muffled voice calling out my name.
Oh my God.Is Jake here?
“I’ll see what he wants,” Chelsi says, getting off my bed. “Are you willing to at least talk to him?”
I shake my head, staring down at the covers. Ican’tsee him. I won’t survive. I’ll give in. We’ll get back together, and I’ll slowly lose myself again.
Chelsi sighs deeply, shaking her head as she walks out of my room and goes to answer the front door. Their conversation is quiet, but I make out almost all of it from behind my slightly closed bedroom door.
“Please let me see her,” Jake pleads, his voice laced with pain. “I’m begging you, Chelsi. I need to talk to her. Convince her that we can work through this. I can’t lose her again.”
“I’m sorry, Jake. She doesn’t want to see or talk to you.”
“I didn’t mean to push her about coming with me. I thought it was a good idea. I never…I never would’ve suggested it if I knew this would happen.”
“This isn’t about you asking her to travel with you. It might have been the catalyst for what’s happening, but it’s not the only reason. She’s scared of losing herself again.” Chelsi pauses briefly before continuing, “But I’m really proud of her for recognizing what she needs and putting herself first, even though the pain is tearing her apart.”
“I don’t understand why we can’t figure it out together. I’ll support her through anything. She has to know that. Tell me she knows that, Chelsi,” he cries out.
“She does, Jake. She knows how much you love her. You helped her learn how to stand up for herself, and that’s what she’s doing. I think, looking back, she jumped too quickly from being engaged to Brian to falling in love with you. She didn’t have a chance to be on her own. Get to know this new version of herself. And she can’t do that with you. She needs to be alone for a while.”
“What am I going to do? I love her so much, Chelsi. She’s the love of my life.”
“If you love her enough, you need to let her go. Give her the time she needs. If you’re truly meant to be, you’ll eventually find your way back to each other.”
A gut-wrenching sob tears out of Jake, ripping through my heart and soul. I collapse to the floor the moment I hear it and start crying once again. My heart begs me to get up and go to him, but my brain convinces me to remain strong.
“Kate! I love you with my entire soul. Please…talk to me,” he cries out. “Give me one more chance. I’ll do anything.”
