As soon as his fingers graze underneath the cup of my bra, I’m a goner. Unable to stop myself, I straddle him, raising my arms for him to take off my shirt. In a matter of seconds, he has my shirt and bra on the floor, then his shirt, without breaking eye contact. His mouth descends onto mine as he gently caresses my breasts, circling my nipples until I begin to arch into his touch. My nails run up and down his back, marking him as mine and wishing it were permanent. Thatwewere permanent.
He grows harder with every touch, making me desperate to have fewer clothes between us. I yank at his belt buckle, unzipping his jeans as he lifts his hips. “Fuck, Kate. I need my mouth on you now,” he demands, ripping off my panties with a quick tug, leaving my skirt on. He palms my bare ass and slides down on the couch until he’s lying flat. “Sit on my face. Let me devour you like no one else can.”
My breath hitches as my heart pounds harder, as if a stampede of horses is racing in my chest. “Jake. We’ve never… I’ve never?—”
He sits up slightly, leaning back on his elbows with a wicked grin that makes my pussy soaking wet. “Trust me. You’re going to love it. Now, sit on my fucking face.”
I straddle his chest, unsure what to do next, when he grabs my waist and pulls me forward until my center is hovering over his mouth. His hands trace lines up and down my inner thighs, spreading me wider and wider until there’s no more room on the couch for my legs. He lifts his head, running his nose between my wet folds, and I almost fly off the couch in ecstasy. My body is like a fucking guitar he’s played for hours, and one pluck of the strings has me reeling.
“So fucking delicious,” he murmurs, tugging my hips down to his mouth. And it’s game over. His hands lock on me as his tongue expertly licks up and down my center, teasing and sucking on my clit in a random motion that leaves me constantly guessing and wanting more. Every lap of his tongue sends me closer to the edge, desperate for relief as I grind against his mouth.
“Fuck, Jake. I’m so close. Don’t. Stop,” I beg, throwing my head back as I tug on his hair. Doing everything possible to ease the tension building inside me.
“Come for me, Kate. Drench my face,” he moans into my core as he sucks deeply on my clit.
I shatter into a million pieces, screaming out his name, and he doesn’t let up. Licking as I buck against him, riding the wave of an orgasm until I go completely limp on top of him.
“That’s my girl,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to my inner thigh before quickly scooping me into his arms, carrying me into our bedroom, and laying me on the bed.
He joins me, caging his body over mine as he stares into my eyes with intense longing and love. “I love you, Kate. You’re it for me,” he says, crashing his mouth onto mine. Our hands frantically move over each other, trying to memorize eachother’s bodies. Feel every muscle. Squeeze out every inch of pleasure.
He lines his cock up at my entrance, dragging the head through my wetness and over my clit again and again. “Stop teasing me, Jake. I need you to fuck me,” I pant, arching my hips, trying to get friction and allow him to slip inside me.
With one swift motion, he slides all the way in, and I practically vault off the bed. “Always going to give you what you need, sweetheart.” He immediately starts rapidly thrusting, not giving my body a second to get used to his size. It’s an exhilarating rush of pleasure with a hint of pain that has me digging my nails into his back to hold on. “Fuck. You feel incredible. Your pussy was fucking made for my cock.”
“More, Jake.” I wrap my legs around his waist, pulling him in deeper and moaning as his cock hits a new angle. “I need more.”
All logic is gone. My only thoughts are about chasing this high with him. Making us topple off the hill together. Experiencing the pleasure only we can wring from each other. One last time.
His eyes lock on mine, thrusting in and out without blinking. It only takes a few times before I’m at the crescendo, patiently holding back for him to join me. The walls of my pussy start to contract around his cock, and he slams into me. Once. Twice. That’s all it takes, and I’m falling over the edge as he follows, leaving both of us breathless.
He brushes a stray strand of hair off my face, his fingertips trailing down my cheek. “That was unbelievable, Kate. Every time with you gets better and better,” he whispers, kissing my forehead. “I want a lifetime of this with you.”
“Me, too, Jake,” I reply, knowing in the depths of my soul that it’s the truth and purposefully leaving out the other, more painful, truth—we can’t always get what we want. “We need to talk more about our future.”
“We can talk in the morning. Everything always looks better in the morning light,” he insists, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me in closer until my back is against his chest. The same way we’ve slept every night. The way I’d hoped to fall asleep for the rest of my life.
But tonight will be the last time.
fifty-seven
I’m a fucking coward.
Jake’s asleep in our bedroom as I tiptoe into our closet and begin quietly throwing my essentials into a suitcase, not caring how anything is packed. I need to get out of here before he wakes up.
As I said, I’m a fucking coward.
My fingers tremble as I order a rideshare, giving me ten minutes to write the letter. The one I’ve obsessed about all night while I lay awake in his arms. The letter that will effectively break his heart and mine.
I sit on the couch, pick up his yellow legal pad, and start writing.
Dear Jake,
I’m so sorry for leaving without saying goodbye. You deserve better than this, but I’m not strong enough to have this conversation in your presence. It would only take one look from you, a single touch or kiss, and I’d lose the strength to walk away.
I love you with my entire soul. Please never doubt that. The past few months have been the best of my life. You’ve made me feel loved and cherished in a way I didn’t know was possible. You taught me to trust myself and advocate for my needs. I’m a better version of myself because of your love.
But that’s also why I have to say goodbye. As much as I want to drop everything and focus on building a life with you, I can’t. I’ve spent the majority of my life chasing what everyone else wanted for me. Trying to win their praise and acceptance. Never thinking about what I need or who I am. And I worry that’s exactly what I’d end up doing if we stayed together. I’d slowly start to deprioritize my needs and wants to make you happy, even though I know you would never ask me to. My life would become so wrapped up in yours that I wouldn’t know who I was anymore. And I can’t do that to myself. I’m not strong enough to stop it from happening. At least not yet.
