The combination of his sobs and mine echo throughout the condo.
“I think you should go, Jake,” Chelsi says softly, barely loud enough for me to hear.
Once the door closes, I let out an ear-shattering, pained wail as my entire body shakes. Chelsi comes into my room, sits nextto me on the floor, and wraps her arms around me as the tears don’t stop.
I operate on autopilot.
Go to work.
Come home.
Cry on the couch.
Repeat.
That’s been my life for the past five days since I left Jake’s rental. Solely focused on surviving the unbearable pain wreaking havoc on my heart and soul.
Although he hasn’t stopped by the condo again, he texts and calls nonstop. I’m a glutton for punishment, forcing myself to listen to every voicemail and read every text. There’s desperation in every message. Each one pleading with me to talk to him. To give us another chance. I’ve been tempted multiple times to call him until my brain reminds me that we’d likely never work out long-term, and I’d have to go through this all over again.
My phone dings again. I sigh, wrapping the blankets tighter around me as I reach for it. It’s time for my daily punishment session. I learned pretty quickly to avoid reading or listening to his messages while at work unless I want to spend the rest of the day bawling. Instead, I wait until I’m curled up on the couch and then spend the rest of the evening sobbing.
I gasp softly when I see there are almost a dozen unread messages from him. That’s more than yesterday. I inhale deeply and exhale before I start reading.
Jake
Please talk to me. I’ll meet you whenever you want.
Have a good day at work. Text me when you get there. Please.
How was your walk? Are you at work yet?
Do you have lunch plans? I can meet you somewhere near your office or have lunch delivered to you.
I’m sorry for everything. Please give me another chance.
Can you let me know once you get home? I worry about you.
Please forgive me. You mean the world to me. I’m so sorry.
I have to fly out tomorrow. I want to talk to you and try to fix this before I leave.
I’m not sure what to do anymore, Kate. I keep putting myself out there, but you don’t respond. Do you really want nothing to do with me?
Please give us one more chance. I love you.
Can I at least have my best friend back? I can’t lose the love of my life and best friend at the same time. Please.
The crack in my heart deepens. He’s right. I’m not just saying goodbye to the man I love, I’m also saying goodbye to my best friend.
Is there a world where we can still be friends?My heart leaps at the possibility of having him in my life, only to be beaten into submission by logic. I’m in too deep. I can’t talk to him without falling even more in love with him. Being his friend would mean pain for even longer. I need to cut ties with him.
Make a fresh start. Take care of myself. Focus on my own happiness without anyone else in my life. Figure out who I am. WhatIwant.
Kate
I can’t. It’ll be better for both of us if we don’t talk anymore.
I wipe the tears from my face and take one more deep breath before blocking Jake’s number. It’s not the future I envisioned for us, but it has to be this way.
